Re: any help for a hot, fat guy....
Not Mike Meyers. Somebody like Eddie Izzard (who I absolutely adore and if you're not familiar with, you must search for).
We may have not had a democratic republic but Britain certainly was a democracy and was amongst the first (if not the first) 'modern' democracies. Inherently flawed with poor suffrage, absolutely but the 19th Amendment in the US wasn't fully ratified until 1984...
Anything to Declare, Mr. Wilde?
I Have Nothing to Declare but my Genius.