Re: any help for a hot, fat guy....
There's a brilliant stand-up comedian (whose name escapes me) who does a whole piece on the formation of the British influence on America being based upon the Puritans. It's hilarious and wonderfully unbalanced.
The American teaching of Independence in 1776 is quite funny though. It wasn't tyranny so much as unfair taxation. In short, the British wanted to charge the colonies for defence by taxing the citizens but the colonies had no representation in Parliament. Unfair? Absolutely. Worth revolting over? Yes. Tyrannical? No.
I also did some rigorous experimenting last night on behalf of Sumo. It turns out that drinking bitter and dancing to live music is not the solution to overheating. My official scientific findings are: hangover.