Re: List of things you have to master to be a good drummer
All I have to offer is this:
Practice hitting the drums in the center for the best tone. It sounds crazy simple but I wish someone had told me that when I was starting out. I still see tons of drummers try to record and they can't figure out why they have these crazy overtones everywhere and its because they have no accuracy. Hit a drum in the center then hit it about halfway between the center and the edge and you will hear the difference immediately. You may want that sound sometimes, but when you are playing the drums don't just flail around; be deliberate with where you place your hits.
Be conscious of how hard you are hitting the cymbals in comparison to the drums. Its easy to wail on the cymbals which makes you sound unbalanced. When you are practicing a groove or whatever practicing playing lightly on the hihat or ride while you are laying into the bass drum and snare.
Record your practices, or at least parts of them. It may be disheartening at first, but it will give you an (almost) unbiased view of what you sound like which will give you more insight into what things you really need to work on.
I guess what I am saying is that everything is important but you should concentrate on how you "sound" to others. Its easy to say, I can play a paradiddle at 180 BPM but much harder to hear whether you are really laying down a groove or not and that gets looked over a lot when people (myself included) start really focusing on technique etc.
Good luck, sounds like you are developing a plan so that's a good place to start.