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Old 09-29-2012, 06:07 AM
Wackamole Wackamole is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Hamilton, New Zealand
Posts: 87
Default Re: How can I get my girlfriend to see how badly she needs to quit smoking?

Follow me here.

Is smoking inherently bad? I honestly think challenging peoples' worldviews at a core level does more to change habits than just dealing with symptoms ( addiction, whatever it may be, smoking, porn, gluttony, tv, friends... anything can be)

The previous statement is only qualified if we live in a closed system of absolutes (metaphysical, moral, spiritual et. al) if we don't, then anything we do is simply preference, and carries no greater weight than whatever value we put on it, but only on a personal level, never impositional (is that a word, that's a word, right?) meaning you can't turn to someone and say suicide bombing is bad, only that my preference is for it not to happen... (A lot of that I would suggest reading up on if two plus two is making five, if I or someone opposed to that idea were to justify or deny it's premise adequately we'd probably crash the server)

Why can I not? because the greatest authority we have is 'us'. The standards made are simply a person saying, or people banding together for whichever motive they desire and making laws, rules, codes, beliefs, whatever by numbers or force or cleverness or whatever else. There still is no absolute basis for those laws, even if a majority say so, and so imposing on another is unjust (ironically though without absolutes you can't even define 'just') (Also there is a huge difference between us placing a value on something and its actual intrinsic value apart from our ideologies)

Where am I going? A little further down the rabbit hole...

If you can't honestly present a case to someone that what they do is inherently wrong, and you aren't actually convinced of the same yourself, then you're in the wrong (another term we can not actually define if we have no absolutes), because you're simply imposing a preference on someone else, which has no basis other than what I want for your life is better than what you want, because I said so.

In context, if I can't come to someone and define poor health and death as bad, smoking as a cause of both of those, and addiction as a cause of the smoking, then I'm on shaky ground ---(In this instance it doesn't bother me about their response eg. I like smoking, because when I was a druggie smoking pot, eating mushies and smoking P (our term for meth) I liked it, but it doesn't mean it was good for me. I just honestly thought that was the best life had to offer. Nor though am I saying that that is a pattern and everyone thinks that way, just giving some balls to my statement)--- because I'm just imposing what I want on them without being able to give a solid answer as to why.

Because they'll live a poorer life than they could have? So what, what value is life?
Because they could die? So what, what power does death have?
Because you don;t like it? So what, why are your values better than mine?

If however suicide bombing is inherently bad, evil at its core, then I would do whatever I could to stop it in my power without worrying about the implications of what my actions have on those trying to impose evil. (Not entirely true, in a real sense I would always prefer that they 'repented', but if they don't I'm not going to burn a bra over it)

If they are born of nothing more than circumstance and their genes simply define who they are and what they do, automatons at an organic level, then let fate simply take its course.

Depressing, confusing, whaaaaaat?

All I'm saying is this, if you aren't convinced of what you believe no one else will be. The absolute conviction of who you are and what you believe shakes people exponentially more than mere opinion, even if that's all they ever deem it as.

Now that I've spouted a bunch of ideas, how I apply that to every situation I ever come to is this; (And believe me, this is a learning basis, I don't magically just do it, I really have to work at this with some dushe ba.... er people :)

Love them where they're at. Broken or not, right or wrong, hating on you or loving you, love them. Doesn't mean line their pockets and serenade them with pleasantries, it means harbour (yes, o U r, queens English) in your heart when you approach them that you want the utmost for them. You want them to come away from this situation feeling as accepted and welcome and good as possible.

Then, for the next thing that seems totally contradictory

Tell them the truth. What you believe, why you believe it, all in love. Sometimes people take it on, sometimes they don't, sometimes they feel loved, sometimes they feel hated, but it never means you didn't love them... It just means the truth hurts and they'd rather dwell in their darkened understanding because it's safe.

Now I know this may step on the toes of many peoples worldviews and personal practices, that's fine, that's the beauty of free will and opinions... the point is to not get offended. So if I have... tough titties... I love you :D

And seriously, yes, if someone I loved had any issue that was worthy of my intervention however small in the worlds eyes I would give it that much thought, not forgetting that for all that typing that whole chain of thinking happens in the blink of an eye.

And yes I can see about ten loose ends that should have been addressed here but I mean really, look how long this is already.
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