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Old 06-16-2012, 06:16 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Shropshire, UK
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Default Re: ...for the jazz cats ...

Originally Posted by con struct View Post
Goodness gracious. I don't see the need for that. Don't get so worked up, so scattered, and please don't take any of this this personally. It all really amounts to nothing, don't you know that?

Myself, I'm off to cook a delicious, juicy and succulent New York strip. So you enjoy your two gigs and I will enjoy my cooking.

You see, I love steak. I've loved steak all my life, since I was a kid. Nothing else does what a steak does, whatever it is that a steak does.

I used to think that the ultimate steak was cooked over a charcoal grill. Now I know that this is not true. The most delicious and tender steak I can make is cooked on a skillet.

I researched this a lot on the internet. What I found was that I didn't know a damn thing about cooking a steak. So I had to learn, I wanted to do this, I really did. And here is the method I arrived at to make a perfect steak every time.

I like a New York strip, so that's what I use. I let the steak get to room temperature, just sitting there for awhile. You must do that.

I take my favorite skillet, one that I've had forever, a wide skillet with a thick bottom, and I put it on a burner that's set to medium. You want to heat up your skillet, see.

Meanwhile I put sea salt and ground pepper from the mill on both sides of the steak, a good bit of it, lightly pressing it into the meat.

You can tell when your skillet is hot enough when a drop of water skids along the surface. It takes a little while. That's when I put in about a tablespoon of olive oil.

Then I lay my steak in the pan. It sizzles a good bit but everything's under control.

I let it cook for four minutes, because I like a rare steak. When it's been cooking for four minutes I turn it over, and I add a chunk of butter to the pan.

The butter and olive oil make a sort of sauce that I spoon over the steak while it's cooking. When fours minutes have gone by I turn the steak over one last time and let it cook for, oh, almost but not quite a minute.

Then I put it on a plate and pour the olive oil and butter sauce on it. It's great! Tender, juicy and succulent, packed with flavor. Ambrosia.

Not that this has anything to do with jazz.
I prefer turkey myself, here's how to do a whiskey's roasted turkey...

1. Buy a turkey of about 5 kg (for 6), a bottle of whiskey, salt, pepper, olive oil and pork fat.

2. Put a bard of bacon around the turkey, tie it, put the salt and the pepper. Add a drizzle of olive oil.

3. Preheat the oven, thermostat 7 for 10 minutes.

4. Pour out a glass of whiskey for yourself during that time.

5. Prut the turkey in the oven in a baking dish.

6. Then pour two glasses of whiskey and drink them.

7. Put therpostat to 8 after 20 binutes to seize it.

8. Poor another three glasses of whiskey.

9. After dalf hourr stuff open ze woven and monitor the bush of the bird.

10. Grab a brottle of whishkee, and put a good shot behind the bravate - not - the tie.

11. After anobher dalf hourr again, staggering up the boven. Open the door burn over.. no, turn sober... err, nope... overburn... geez, put ze bird the other way roun' in the raging dish.

12. Burn ze hand with the f*****g boven's door while closing it - for crying out loud.

13. Try to sit on a damn chair and pour five or six glasses of whiskey. Or otherwise, I dont know r'member azymore...

14. Cock - no - shine - cook - not - yes ha! Cook 4 hours ze byrdey.

15. And yo! 5 more drinks while waiting. It's good feeling where it goes, hic...

16. Burp.

17. Pull the oven out of the turkey.

18. Pour is a good swig of visky. Try to get out the f*****g turky of ze boven, again, coz yo miss'd it first time.

19. Pick up the fallen bird from ze floor. Clean it with a dirt rag lying around here and put on a blat, or dish or plate. Anyway who cares!

20. Whhoooops! falling because of the fat on the floor - tiles - from when she fell, the birdey!

21. Decide that you're actually fine on the floor and finish the throttle of rhisky.

22. Crawl into bed, lie on the carpet, sleep all the night remains.

23. The next day at noon, eat cold turkey with mayonnaise (in a tube, do not try to make it), then clean the mess from the previous day for the rest of the day. Serve with 2 aspirins.
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