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-   -   Goodbye Dad... (http://www.drummerworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=97761)

Mad About Drums 11-18-2012 11:15 PM

Goodbye Dad...
 
Some of you knows that my Dad was in hospital suffering from a lung cancer, which unfortunately, has been discovered far to late, I've been going back and forth to Switzerland since returning from the LDS, and I was able to chat a lot with my Dad and to support my Sister and her children during this difficult time.

My Dad passed away on Wednesday 14th of November, aged 84, peacefully, with love, holding hands with my Sister and I, the funeral was on Friday, over 70 persons attended the ceremony, family and friends, and I knew 90% of them.

Funerals are a strange event, even it's sad to loose those we love dearly, it's also an event where you meet old friends you haven't seen for many years, very emotional, but in a nice way.

I have been blessed to be there when both my parents went away, it takes away the regrets, you're just left with the happy memories.

My Dad's last words: "See you soon"

Anon La Ply 11-18-2012 11:24 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Hi Henri, hope you're doing well. Hoping you don't go wherever he's gone too soon, though in universal time everything is soon ...

One thing I didn't expect was how many challenges follow a father's death (in the generation when men were always breadwinners); you think that after the funeral it will all settle down but there's a lot of organising and admin and general tedious stuff.

It's great that your father could die with dignity and surrounded by family. Best possible way to go. My Dad's death wasn't nearly as nice - in a hospital ward after a gruelling lead up with medical staff doing interventions to get his heart back on track.

Take care and big hugs from the top of the world (world maps are always upside down)

Mad About Drums 11-18-2012 11:57 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Anon La Ply (Post 1070725)
Hi Henri, hope you're doing well. Hoping you don't go wherever he's gone too soon, though in universal time everything is soon ...

One thing I didn't expect was how many challenges follow a father's death (in the generation when men were always breadwinners); you think that after the funeral it will all settle down but there's a lot of organising and admin and general tedious stuff.

It's great that your father could die with dignity and surrounded by family. Best possible way to go. My Dad's death wasn't nearly as nice - in a hospital ward after a gruelling lead up with medical staff doing interventions to get his heart back on track.

Take care and big hugs from the top of the world (world maps are always upside down)

Thanks Grea, your messages were of great help, it's nice to know you're not alone during these difficult moments.

I'm planning to live until I'm 127 years old... after that age you become an as*******... and it's better to go before you reach that stage, so you'll have to put up with me until then... :)

Yes, there's still lots to do now, I will go back in December to help my Sister to deal with all the "tedious stuff".

Agreed, going away with dignity is the best way to go, and unlike your Father, my Dad was fortunate enough to die peacefully among the people he loved.

Here's a (recent) picture of my Dad before the cancer took him away from us...

BacteriumFendYoke 11-19-2012 12:06 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
My heart goes out to you Henri.

You will know what an honour it is to be present at your father's passing. Although it's very difficult emotionally for everyone, it really is deeply profound and I'm glad his passing was peaceful.

I hope all is ok with you and your family, Henri. You're a stand-up guy and we're all the better for knowing you.

Zickos 11-19-2012 12:52 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
My sincerest sympathy, Henri. My parents have both been gone for several years and this past year I have lost two aunts and an uncle who were all dear to me. I wish many times I could still talk to them and you can. They just don't always answer back in a timely fashion.

bobdadruma 11-19-2012 12:55 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
My deepest condolences to you and your family.

Midnite Zephyr 11-19-2012 12:56 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Henri, my condolences to you and your family. It's good to know that you have some positive memories to take away from it. Hang in there, man.

Pocket-full-of-gold 11-19-2012 12:59 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Condolences my friend. It's proving to have been a tough year for several of my DW "mates" losing loved ones now. I hope the coming year brings better fortune to all.

84 years.....a fabulous knock and well worth celebrating. Will raise a glass in his honour.

BacteriumFendYoke 11-19-2012 01:03 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Zickos (Post 1070754)
My sincerest sympathy, Henri. My parents have both been gone for several years and this past year I have lost two aunts and an uncle who were all dear to me. I wish many times I could still talk to them and you can. They just don't always answer back in a timely fashion.

Zickos, I completely understand where you're coming from. I had a quite sudden bereavement this year (seems to be the fashion in 2012) and there isn't a day that goes by that I wish I couldn't talk to the man we lost.

Henri, it does get a little easier with each day. Keep looking forward and remember the good times that I'm sure you had with your Father.

MaryO 11-19-2012 01:04 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
I am very sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. Thank you for posting the pic, he had a wonderful smile. No words make these things better but I am glad that both you and he were surrounded by the ones you love during this difficult time.

I'm glad you are planning on sticking with us for quite while longer, although I'm thinking anything past 125 might be a tad bit greedy. But we'll put up with you :)

Hugs and positive energy headed your way. Take care and cherish the memories.

Sirwill 11-19-2012 01:58 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
I lost my Father two years ago. My father once told me "They can never take your memories"...

nhzoso 11-19-2012 02:07 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Never easy bud, My condolences to you and yours.

Anthony Amodeo 11-19-2012 02:57 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Henri

my deepest condolences go out to you and your family

I lost my dad in 1996 of the very same horrible disease

be strong my brother and carry your dads memory proudly on your sleeve

drstrangefunk 11-19-2012 04:27 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mad About Drums (Post 1070735)
Thanks Grea, your messages were of great help, it's nice to know you're not alone during these difficult moments.

I'm planning to live until I'm 127 years old... after that age you become an as*******... and it's better to go before you reach that stage, so you'll have to put up with me until then... :)

Yes, there's still lots to do now, I will go back in December to help my Sister to deal with all the "tedious stuff".

Agreed, going away with dignity is the best way to go, and unlike your Father, my Dad was fortunate enough to die peacefully among the people he loved.

Here's a (recent) picture of my Dad before the cancer took him away from us...

now that's a cool Dad. i'm sorry for your loss. be the man.

8Mile 11-19-2012 04:34 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Henri, my deepest condolences go out to you and your family.

You are a class act and a good guy. It's great that you had the opportunity to be there for your dad and he knows he was loved.

Take care and hang in there, my man.

Bo Eder 11-19-2012 05:18 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
My deepest sympathies to you and your family, Henri. I'm sure he's in a much better place now. I'm glad your gathering was big - it shows how many people cared and how big a support group you all have. That's always a positive thing in my book. We had over 200 people at my house for the after funeral celebration and funerals are a funny thing. I came away from it thinking I've been spending my life trying to get away from family, only to realize that we need to see each other and be together more often.

Let me know if you need anything.

Manningluck 11-19-2012 06:25 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
I am sorry to read about your loss. It's saddening to hear but also a real blessing to have had a great relationship. I'm sure you will hold him high in your memories and pass on his qualities to others until you meet again.

evolving_machine 11-19-2012 06:27 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
I am sorry to hear about your loss.

keep it simple 11-19-2012 10:27 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Hi Henri,

been away for a few days. Through our messages, I know what a challenging journey you've had, & I greatly admire your decorum. You're in my thoughts daily.

Fondest regards, Andy.

aydee 11-19-2012 11:21 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
...

Boy, its been the year for losing parents, out here on DW.....

Just because he lived a long life doesnt make it any easier. Losing a parent is a real life marker, no matter when it happens.

Im glad, for your sake that you were there.

Henri, my deepest sympathies to you and your family,

Abe


...

dmacc 11-19-2012 12:28 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Henri,

My sympathies go out to you and your family. It's very, very difficult to lose a parent. My heart goes out to you indeed.

Hopefully knowing that he went peacefully and surrounded by loving family brings comfort.

David

mikeyhanson 11-19-2012 01:30 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Sorry to hear about your loss, Henri.

The Old Hyde 11-19-2012 03:01 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Sorry for your loss and difficulties. I lost my father in 1988 and not one day has gone by without him in my thoughts in some small way. I e-mailed my sister friday about a funny thing my dad did when we were little and we had a laugh. Time heals and you only seem to remember the good times. Hang in there.

Bandit 11-19-2012 03:14 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
You are one of the nicest people on this, or any site. I wish you only the best! I lost my dad this year, and not a day goes by that I don't wish I actually cared that he is gone. Be so very great full you had a good relationship with you father. I think it hurts more when you don't and they pass away.

2bsticks 11-19-2012 04:17 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
So sorry for your loss, you were blessed to have your Dad in your life for such a long time. Wish you all the best.

tamadrm 11-19-2012 05:17 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
I'm so sorry for your loss Henri.No words can assauge the anguish you're feeling now.Just take strength in knowing you loved and were loved in return. He had a hell of a run.Namaste.

Steve B

larryz 11-19-2012 05:36 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Sorry Henri. I agree with previous poster - you seem to be a really nice person. Your dad must have raised you well :) Keep positive.

longgun 11-19-2012 06:08 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Sir,

My sympathies and prayers go out to you and your family. Lost my Dad 11 months ago and miss him like crazy. Time does heal..........not entirely.......but it does get a little easier.

God Bless You and Yours,

Butch

Deathmetalconga 11-19-2012 06:40 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mad About Drums (Post 1070717)
Some of you knows that my Dad was in hospital suffering from a lung cancer, which unfortunately, has been discovered far to late, I've been going back and forth to Switzerland since returning from the LDS, and I was able to chat a lot with my Dad and to support my Sister and her children during this difficult time.

My Dad passed away on Wednesday 14th of November, aged 84, peacefully, with love, holding hands with my Sister and I, the funeral was on Friday, over 70 persons attended the ceremony, family and friends, and I knew 90% of them.

Funerals are a strange event, even it's sad to loose those we love dearly, it's also an event where you meet old friends you haven't seen for many years, very emotional, but in a nice way.

I have been blessed to be there when both my parents went away, it takes away the regrets, you're just left with the happy memories.

My Dad's last words: "See you soon"

So sorry to hear. It sounds like your dad led a good life, with the love of many people, and that is all any of us can really ask for.

Mad About Drums 11-19-2012 08:23 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Duncan, Zickos, Bob, Bon, Jules, Mary, Sirwill, nhzoso, Anthony, Doc, Larry, Matt, Manningluck, evolving machine, Andy, Abe, David, Mikey The Old Hyke, Bandit, 2B, Steve, larryz, Butch and Martin, thank you for the kind words, it goes straight to the heart, you're all wonderful, this forum almost feels like family for me :)

Yes Abe, this year was really a bad year for parents, especially Dads.

Yes Matt, I agree, I came home with my pockets full of e-mail addresses, phone numbers, home addresses... and I promised that I would keep in touch... indeed, we need to see each others more often :)

Butch, Bandit, I'm really sorry for your loss... hang on to those memories.

Jules... Cheers!

Mary, I hope I live long enough to see you live with that rock band of yours, 127 years should do it...

Andy... sincerely, thanks my friend, your messages and encouragements gave me strength throughout this emotional period...

I'm ok, I know that with time it gets easier, but the first few weeks ahead will be very emotional indeed.

Thanks again guys and gals, you rock!!!

Big hugs

Henri

harryconway 11-19-2012 09:52 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Condolences Henri. Work through it as best you can.

Midnite Zephyr 11-20-2012 04:32 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
You'll come around soon, Henri. It's tough.

I lost my dad in 2004. He moved to Florida in 1988, and I only got to see him a few times after he moved there. We got along good and he never treated me badly. He came to California for a visit in Spring of '04 and got to meet my new wife. We had a family reunion in N. Calif. where the rest of my family lives and that was the last time I saw him. He passed away in the fall. It was quite sudden because he had an aeortic aneurysm. Here today, gone tomorrow. I was too broke to fly to Florida and go to his "Rememberance Day". I guess his wife didn't want to give him a proper funeral.

Take it easy bro...

TTNW 11-20-2012 09:24 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Hi Henri,

Just saw this. My condolences to you and your family. My father passed away from the same disease almost 12 years ago. I think of him all the time.

It does get a little easier with time.

Piebe 11-21-2012 09:39 AM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Dear Mad About Drums,

My condolence as well in this tough period. In Holland we have a saying that goes like shared pain is half the pain and my father too has died from that horrible disease that takes so many lives. So let us keep sharing the pain until there is no more pain to share!

Muckster 11-21-2012 03:08 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
My deepest condolences to you and your family.

Mad About Drums 11-21-2012 05:48 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Harry; Bon, Philippe, Piebe and Muckster, thank you guys, your kind words brings comfort to me and my family.

Piebe, that proverb from Holland is so true.

Anthony, Philippe and Piebe, yes... unfortunately, cancer is still a disease that we're struggling to find a cure, and it's an horrible, slow and painful illness, I hope one day we can overcome this calamity.

Hugs

Henri

inneedofgrace 12-02-2012 02:49 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. My dad lost his battle with COPD and fibrosis of the lungs back in May, at age 83. He will be greatly missed, but I will have incredibly fond and loving memories of him, and I'm sure you will of your father as well.

larryace 12-02-2012 03:29 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
See you soon...Yea that really got me...He's right though...hopefully not too soon...

Count me in the 2012 club. Circle of Life. He gave us you, you gave the world your daughter...and so on and so on.

If it's any consolation, your Dad helped create a fine human being. I don't know your Sister, but It's an honor to know you Henri, you are a classy and elegant man. I'm glad you were there when he crossed over, that makes it a lot easier.

It's a strange feeling when you don't have that backup anymore. Now everyone looks to you.

keep it simple 12-02-2012 04:53 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by larryace (Post 1077465)

It's a strange feeling when you don't have that backup anymore. Now everyone looks to you.

Yes Larry, I found that head of the family, "buck stops with you" thing kind of surreally spooky too. Even though I'm used to charting my own course, I still very much miss that guaranteed non partisan appraisal of choices.

Mad About Drums 12-09-2012 11:42 PM

Re: Goodbye Dad...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by inneedofgrace (Post 1077456)
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. My dad lost his battle with COPD and fibrosis of the lungs back in May, at age 83. He will be greatly missed, but I will have incredibly fond and loving memories of him, and I'm sure you will of your father as well.

Thank you Sir, I really appreciate your prayers.

I'm very sorry for your loss, please accept all my sympathy inneedofgrace, decidedly, 2012 hasn't been a good year, so many of us have been sadden by the lost of our loved Fathers.

Larry, thank you for such kind words, and yes, the circle of life continue, but we'll greatly miss the ones who brought us to life, my Father use to say to me "You may take my seat, but you'll never take my place", these words have such a full meaning now he's gone, you just realise how much everyone is unique, even when we're from the same blood, the "circle of life" continue, but each parts of this circle is unique... and, yes, everyone looks up to you, a very strange feeling indeed.


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