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-   -   Being Talked Down To (http://www.drummerworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=75564)

Coldhardsteel 05-01-2011 03:01 AM

Being Talked Down To
 
I have a problem when this happens to me. In a lot of cases, I'm calm, collected, and an all-around okay person. But when anyone talks down to me for any reason, they've poked the sleeping bear one too many times.

Sometimes this happens to me even between myself and a friend who's just a year older than I am, and the fact it happens is ridiculous, especially with the small age gap.

I need advice to help me avoid blowing my top at people who do this. Anyone have some words of wisdom?

Pollyanna 05-01-2011 03:06 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
Take it easy, young fella. You'll grow out of it ...

;-)

DeanOdgers 05-01-2011 03:15 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
I know exactly how you feel, im always the youngest and people seem to think that makes you the lesser musician or person.
Producers are the worst i find but my advice is to keep a cool head and walk away then maybe have a quiet word to who ever is in charge
in terms of friends though i would tell them whats what.
Or better yet take it on board as more incentive, aim higher, work harder and leave the wanna-bees and egos behind.

sticks4drums 05-01-2011 03:17 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pollyanna (Post 836256)
Take it easy, young fella. You'll grow out of it ...

;-)

Oh ya. I am 46 and I still hate it. I am probably not the best person to ask. :)

8Mile 05-01-2011 03:28 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
I used to get really angry when I experienced that kind of thing when I was younger. I remember trying to buy something at a department store and they wouldn't accept my personal check. The reason they gave me was my check number was too low (I had just opened a new account and I was on check number 8 or something), but I knew if I had been a few years older, it wouldn't have been a problem.

Let me put it to you this way: There are advantages to getting older, but disadvantages, too. It hits you suddenly. I was at a grocery store once, strolling down the aisle when I noticed a very attractive young lady in probably her early 20s in the soup ailse. She was maybe 5'2" and she was struggling to reach a can on the top shelf. Now, I stand about 6'2" and I'm well accustomed to being asked to reach up high for things people shorter than me can't get to. The girl noticed me and I could see her about to ask me the question I knew was coming as I walked closer. Then, the words came from her lips...

"Excuse me, sir..."

I'd tell you the rest of what she said, but I can't remember. I pretty much stopped listening after that "sir." I gladly reached up to get the can for her and proceeded to go home and shoot myself.

Anyway, try to look on the bright side. Enjoy all the other stuff that goes with being young. You'll get old soon enough.

larryace 05-01-2011 03:42 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
Depends on what you did.

But seriously, you are within your rights to call that stuff out.

Pollyanna 05-01-2011 03:49 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
There's worse 8-Mile ... I was going out with a man about 8 years older than me. We were on a bus and a girl offered him her seat *cringe*. At least not as bad as a woman I worked with returning distressed from a shop at lunchtime after a well-meaning shop assistant asked her when she was due ... she wasn't pregnant ... brutal.

I look a lot younger than I am (must be genetics, it can't be lifestyle ... not complaining) and it's not uncommon for people at work my own age or younger to patronise me, as though I'm a young 'un.

I especially dislike being told the bleeding obvious, as though I'm stupid and spent the last 50+ years staring into space with nothing in my head. When someone does that to me I automatically drop them an echelon in my internal status system.

I have no words of wisdom for you, Steel, because everyone hates being treated like a fool.

Zickos 05-01-2011 07:03 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
Count to ten...........

........then punch them!

Homeularis 05-01-2011 08:16 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
I feel you. I'm no kid, and I'm no blithering idiot either, but I get the same treatment from some people.
It drives me up the wall sometimes too, almost enough to sock someone in the mouth.
Most of the time I refrain......Most of the time. ; )

Dont know what to say other than I think it makes some people feel big to talk to you as if they are teaching you something (they think) you dont already know.

I usually just laugh at them in a sarcastic way, but unfortunately it doesnt work on people that are that thick.

eddiehimself 05-01-2011 10:41 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
I know exactly how it feels. There was some loser on a forum who was treating me as if i was some little kid even though he's only a year older than me. To be honest though i just thought he was super arrogant and i think really it said more about him than me. It's really difficult to keep your cool when faced with someone who simply refuses to admit they're wrong.

Thud 05-01-2011 11:10 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
Behind every arrogant man there's a frightened little boy. Under the skin of every bully there's a coward.
People who put me down are the bane of my life. It's a test which is sent to me to try my temper! So far I have managed not to actually hit anyone but, boy it's been close.

The good news is that I now have a great collection of put downs for use as and when necessary. Nothing like having a bit of ammo handy!

Never argue with an old guy. You will lose! muhahahaha!

classicstar 05-01-2011 07:40 PM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
I'm in the same boat. In my band, being 16 around two amazing guitarists that are 21 and 23 can be a little rough. However they are always just picking on me, and just use the age gap as a joke rather than a reason to talk down to me. Sure they both pick on me a lot and I know they're kidding 90% of the time, but as long as I make it clear they are starting to get to me they lay off a lot. They're both two of my closest friends and I do get their respect, but some days they just lay into so far it's almost unbearable. So I know how it feels to a point. Just keep your cool and just realize that they need you and keep your chin high because of that. If it gets to be too much tell them to f off lol

Ian Williams 05-01-2011 09:10 PM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
Try to show no emotions - no weaknesses - no feelings. Let them evil people to unbalance themselves, not you!

Deathmetalconga 05-01-2011 09:48 PM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Coldhardsteel (Post 836253)
I have a problem when this happens to me. In a lot of cases, I'm calm, collected, and an all-around okay person. But when anyone talks down to me for any reason, they've poked the sleeping bear one too many times.

Sometimes this happens to me even between myself and a friend who's just a year older than I am, and the fact it happens is ridiculous, especially with the small age gap.

I need advice to help me avoid blowing my top at people who do this. Anyone have some words of wisdom?

What are some of the words and phrases that people say that really tick you off?

chaymus 05-02-2011 12:33 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
It's a difficult problem, they're purposefully trying to elevate themselves by bringing you down, and the kicker is if they get a rise out of you, you're less mature. I would avoid losing your temper and as politely as you can ask them why they feel the need to do so.

PQleyR 05-02-2011 01:05 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
I find learning to do the things they do better than them very helpful. The effect is also cumulative, which is nice.

Pollyanna 05-02-2011 01:20 AM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
Had another thought on this.

One thing I've learned over the years is not to ignore patronising people on principle, which is the natural reaction.

I've met a few experts where the "price" they charge for passing on their knowledge is giving you crap to shore up their hungry egos. In that case, it's a good idea to sift the good stuff from the rubbish.

dtmbars 05-02-2011 06:49 PM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
I usually just psychologically attack the people that talk down to me. Find what bothers them and just insult them repedatly until they get extremely pissed off and want to hit you. Then laugh at them for turning to violence because theyre too stupid for an intellectual battle.

Deathmetalconga 05-02-2011 07:23 PM

Re: Being Talked Down To
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by chaymus (Post 836543)
It's a difficult problem, they're purposefully trying to elevate themselves by bringing you down, and the kicker is if they get a rise out of you, you're less mature. I would avoid losing your temper and as politely as you can ask them why they feel the need to do so.

It could be the person is immature, or the people around them are jerks, or some combination of the two. Without a few details - the more the better - it is hard to tell which is which.


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