DRUMMERWORLD OFFICIAL DISCUSSION FORUM

DRUMMERWORLD OFFICIAL DISCUSSION FORUM (http://www.drummerworld.com/forums/index.php)
-   Off Topic Lounge (http://www.drummerworld.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=25)
-   -   How to write a music ad (http://www.drummerworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=62207)

Deathmetalconga 05-11-2010 09:13 AM

How to write a music ad
 
I like checking out the musician wanted ads in the local alternative weekly paper because some are just hilarious. I have written some and responded to others over the years.

Here is my guide:

1. Start by saying you’re professional and experienced. Even if (especially if) you’re a diaper punk with a FirstAct instrument.
2. Remember, your friends and former bandmates will read this, so use it to bolster your street cred.
3. The cover vs. original band issue is crucial. No one wants to admit they’re in a cover band, but it’s the only way to earn a living for most musicians. Finesse it as best you can.
4. Always ask for a cellist. It’ll make you seem pretty avant-garde, but there are never any in town so you won’t need to worry about actually having to play with one.
5. Say you need people with the right “look” and “attitude,” like tattoos and a nose-to-anus chain piercing.
6. Under influences, mention the most obscure bands possible. Make names up if you want, since no one will have heard of them anyway. A common made-up band name is Sunny Day Real Estate.
7. Always specify that you need people who actually have instruments and a way to move them around.
8. Say you need people with a professional attitude, but always give a goofy contact name.

Example:
Experienced multi-instrumentalist ISO cello, bass and drums for original New Age death metal cover band. Must have several tribal bicep tats and large drum set with symbols. Influences: Banghammer 12, Spunkmuffin 17, The Breast Augmenters, Descended Testicle, Putrid Smell, Satan’s Chum, Sunny Day Real Estate. Must have own gear and transportation and a professional attitude. Call Shorty or Biff at 123-4567.

aydee 05-11-2010 10:06 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
If its alright with you, I'm taking the name Spunkmuffin for our 3 piece outfit. Kinda defines the music.

Pollyanna 05-11-2010 10:18 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Haha ... brutal, DMC.

Don't forget ... "Neggotiating a recording contract (or tour)" and NO TIME WAYSTERS (and hey Shorty, don't bogart the joint, man).

DrumEatDrum 05-11-2010 08:43 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Awesome post DMC!!!

I'm often tempted to write a post and put on Craigslist titled "Why your band still doesn't have a drummer"

Fuo 05-11-2010 09:00 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
haha. nice. But i don't get the part about "Sunny Day Real Estate". That's a real band... Or is that some kind of inside joke or knock on them?

Deathmetalconga 05-11-2010 11:27 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuo (Post 699222)
haha. nice. But i don't get the part about "Sunny Day Real Estate". That's a real band... Or is that some kind of inside joke or knock on them?

Yeah, I know it's a real band, but it sounds like a name you'd make up if you were trying to think up the most obscure influences possible.

crdirtRider856 05-15-2010 06:52 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Deathmetalconga (Post 699009)
Even if (especially if) you’re a diaper punk with a FirstAct instrument.





Example:
Experienced multi-instrumentalist ISO cello, bass and drums for original New Age death metal cover band. Must have several tribal bicep tats and large drum set with symbols. Influences: Banghammer 12, Spunkmuffin 17, The Breast Augmenters, Descended Testicle, Putrid Smell, Satan’s Chum, Sunny Day Real Estate. Must have own gear and transportation and a professional attitude. Call Shorty or Biff at 123-4567.

Why you gotta knock my set man? I put Aquarians on it..Damn stool keeps falling over though ; P
LOL..Thats just hilarious. Its funny 'cus its so true. I d send you to the Myspace page of the last band that contacted me but it would just be too mean.

crdirtRider856 05-15-2010 06:56 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Or I can just tell you.... Look up "Old Man Savage" on Myspace and enjoy. I ll spare the e-mail for my own enjoyment. Nice guy but c'mon... for real?

HeadRush 05-15-2010 07:48 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
I can almost surely say that I am taking Banghammer..

Deathmetalconga 05-18-2010 04:08 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by HeadRush (Post 700585)
I can almost surely say that I am taking Banghammer..

Just make sure to put a number after it. Your band isn't cool enough unless it has a number in the name!

HeadRush 05-19-2010 02:34 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
hmmm... Banghammer 4000. I like it.

Pollyanna 05-19-2010 07:24 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by HeadRush (Post 701979)
hmmm... Banghammer 4000. I like it.

Sounds like a lawnmower :)

drummer-ish 05-20-2010 01:08 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
I read this started laughing, then I looked at craigslist and started crying

I couldn't tell the difference :(

DrumEatDrum 05-20-2010 02:25 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
If there was such thing as truth in craigslist, ads would read something like:

Drummer needed.
Must be creative in coming up with different beats, because all our songs have the same guitar rhythms, and someone needs to make our songs sound different.

Must be willing to rehearse 7 nights a week, because at most we can commit is one or two, but we want to make sure you don't have any conflicts on those few days we can actually get it together.

Must be able to play to a click, because lord knows the bass player can't.

Must be a team player, and by team, we mean you'll do whatever we tell you to do, with no opinions of your own.

Must be a quick learner, because we often forget our own songs, and it would be helpful if you could be there to remind us how they go.

Must be sober and drug free, because we need a designated driver.

Must be financially secure, because we have no money, and when we finally make it big, we're not sharing the publishing with you anyways.

Pollyanna 05-20-2010 04:53 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DrumEatDrum (Post 702315)
If there was such thing as truth in craigslist, ads would read something like:

Drummer needed.
Must be creative in coming up with different beats, because all our songs have the same guitar rhythms, and someone needs to make our songs sound different.

Must be willing to rehearse 7 nights a week, because at most we can commit is one or two, but we want to make sure you don't have any conflicts on those few days we can actually get it together.

Must be able to play to a click, because lord knows the bass player can't.

Must be a team player, and by team, we mean you'll do whatever we tell you to do, with no opinions of your own.

Must be a quick learner, because we often forget our own songs, and it would be helpful if you could be there to remind us how they go.

Must be sober and drug free, because we need a designated driver.

Must be financially secure, because we have no money, and when we finally make it big, we're not sharing the publishing with you anyways.

The voice of truth!

Maybe add: We are unsigned but several labels has thanked us for our interest and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavours, which is encouraging!

Deathmetalconga 05-20-2010 05:11 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DrumEatDrum (Post 702315)
If there was such thing as truth in craigslist, ads would read something like:

Drummer needed.
Must be creative in coming up with different beats, because all our songs have the same guitar rhythms, and someone needs to make our songs sound different.

Must be willing to rehearse 7 nights a week, because at most we can commit is one or two, but we want to make sure you don't have any conflicts on those few days we can actually get it together.

Must be able to play to a click, because lord knows the bass player can't.

Must be a team player, and by team, we mean you'll do whatever we tell you to do, with no opinions of your own.

Must be a quick learner, because we often forget our own songs, and it would be helpful if you could be there to remind us how they go.

Must be sober and drug free, because we need a designated driver.

Must be financially secure, because we have no money, and when we finally make it big, we're not sharing the publishing with you anyways.

HA! Pretty funny. I'd also add:

Must not play double bass.

Must not have more than two of those drums that face upward.

None of those loud Asian simbols.

Must not play loudly enough to be heard.

DrumEatDrum 05-20-2010 06:21 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pollyanna (Post 702360)
The voice of truth!

Maybe add: We are unsigned but several labels has thanked us for our interest and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavours, which is encouraging!

Nice one!!

Only it needs to set up like this:

We have major label interest, which means several labels has thanked us for our interest and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavors.

haha....my old band had a collection of such letters.

Deathmetalconga 05-26-2010 12:45 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pollyanna (Post 702360)
The voice of truth!

Maybe add: We are unsigned but several labels has thanked us for our interest and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavours, which is encouraging!

HA! How true.

202020202020

Pollyanna 05-26-2010 05:12 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DrumEatDrum (Post 702581)
Nice one!!

Only it needs to set up like this:

We have major label interest, which means several labels has thanked us for our interest and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavors.

haha....my old band had a collection of such letters.

LOL ... that's the one ... "major label interest". It conjures visions of talent-hungry labels scouring the scene for new talent, as opposed to getting sexy young starlets to swing over to the dark side and start recording singles.

In the old days they used to toss ALOTA tapes in the bin unheard. I'm guessing that MySpace will have reduced this waste.

Deathmetalconga 06-02-2010 05:11 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by drummer-ish (Post 702293)
I read this started laughing, then I looked at craigslist and started crying

I couldn't tell the difference :(

The follow-up posts are Craigslist are often pretty funny. People get pretty vicious putting down each others' music and talent.

crdirtRider856 06-09-2010 08:38 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Deathmetalconga (Post 707522)
The follow-up posts are Craigslist are often pretty funny. People get pretty vicious putting down each others' music and talent.

This is kinda off topic but Craigslist has brought me hours upon hours of hilarious enjoyment... check out the "Best Of" section or the "Rants and Raves" section... or just any of it. There are some whacked out people in this world, thankfully you can meet alot of them at CL!

Deathmetalconga 08-18-2010 12:18 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Here is a great Craigslist ad with apparently made-up/incredibly obscure band names, including the mandatory Sunny Day (Real Estate). You cannot be cool if you do not mention SDRE and you must mention as many unknown bands as possible to impress readers:

"...We are into bands like Mineral, The Apple Seed Cast, Sunny Day, The Fire Theft, Minus the Bear and the list would go on and on.... We both have professional gear and have played in a few bands together so far. We are looking for some one that is down for creating music for the sake of being creative ...

brady 08-18-2010 02:05 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by HeadRush (Post 701979)
hmmm... Banghammer 4000. I like it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pollyanna (Post 702063)
Sounds like a lawnmower :)

Or a 'marital aid'...

Deltadrummer 08-18-2010 02:16 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Lol . . That's a riot DMC

My Adds

Have contacts in the industry. If you have contacts in the industry, why are you getting a bass player on CL

Paid Gigs waiting . . you're savvy enough to know how to get paid gigs; but not savvy enough to have had any musician friends that you can call for those waiting gigs. I would like to meet this club owner whose keeping Dec 31 open til you find a your cellist.

No head cases. Uh . . . Maybe you're in the wrong industry.

Here's another one too funny. This guy says to me he's having trouble playing rock and roll and with the time and playing in the pocket in rock music. He wants to get in a band that plays TOP. That would work out better.

Pollyanna 08-18-2010 05:34 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by brady (Post 734558)
Or a 'marital aid'...

Brady, if you ever do an ink blot test I think I can gess your results :)


Quote:

Originally Posted by Deltadrummer
This guy says to me he's having trouble playing rock and roll and with the time and playing in the pocket in rock music. He wants to get in a band that plays TOP

So he can't play the easiest possible style ... did he say what he CAN play?

Deathmetalconga 08-19-2010 03:44 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Here's another good Craigslist ad: mandatory SDRE mention along with unheard-of and possibly nonexistent bands:

"Bass player with about 12 years experience looking for a band. not looking to take over the world, but i'd like to take the project seriously. i have good gear, my own ride, and i have no issues. my main influences are sunny day real estate, hum, christie front drive, poison the well, and coheend and cambria. I'd like to do something epic sounding."

Deathmetalconga 08-19-2010 03:46 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Dang, they just keep coming. Another from Seattle with a few bands that really do exist sprinkled in:

"These are the bands I love:
Walt Mink, Chavez, Other Men, Heavy Vegetable, Sunny Day Real Estate, Fugazi, Tool, Dino Jr, Sebadoh, Smash Pump, Ween, Weezer, Mew, Pinback, Built To Spill, Pavement…..The list goes on. I also love Medeski, Martin & Wood."

Deltadrummer 08-19-2010 06:57 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pollyanna (Post 734615)
So he can't play the easiest possible style ... did he say what he CAN play?

This guy is an acquaintance of mine who is a really nice guy. He doesn't really know his limitations on the kit. He's thinking that he can't play rock because it's not sophisticated enough for his great playing ability. That attitude is very indicative of what you get out there, esp on CL.. :)

Pollyanna 08-19-2010 07:10 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Deltadrummer (Post 735012)
This guy is an acquaintance of mine who is a really nice guy. He doesn't really know his limitations on the kit. He's thinking that he can't play rock because it's not sophisticated enough for his great playing ability. That attitude is very indicative of what you get out there, esp on CL.. :)

Wow, small world!

Interesting concept ... to be unable to play music that is beneath you. He might be a nice guy but the grapes he's eating sound as though they're a tad sour :)

Bo Eder 08-19-2010 07:53 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
I had no idea I could be so entertained in the Off Topic Lounge! I should come here more often! This is a great thread.

So that's why the guests at my last gig laughed when I said I found my band on Craig's List....

Deathmetalconga 08-19-2010 06:20 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bo Eder (Post 735018)
I had no idea I could be so entertained in the Off Topic Lounge! I should come here more often! This is a great thread.

So that's why the guests at my last gig laughed when I said I found my band on Craig's List....

Yeah, a CRAIGSLIST BAND! Craigslist Killers would be a good name. Drums with steep tom angles, trashed instruments, everyone dressed like a schlub and wearing ankle monitoring bracelets.

"Influences: Sunny Day Real Estate, The DUIs, Meth Lab 6, Just Paroled, Demon Vomit."

Bo Eder 08-19-2010 10:28 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Deathmetalconga (Post 735164)
Yeah, a CRAIGSLIST BAND! Craigslist Killers would be a good name. Drums with steep tom angles, trashed instruments, everyone dressed like a schlub and wearing ankle monitoring bracelets.

"Influences: Sunny Day Real Estate, The DUIs, Meth Lab 6, Just Paroled, Demon Vomit."

Well, in our last video post, we didn't have the ankle bracelets, but we did look like schlubs. Why you gotta bring me down?

;)

Deathmetalconga 08-20-2010 12:51 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bo Eder (Post 735254)
Well, in our last video post, we didn't have the ankle bracelets, but we did look like schlubs. Why you gotta bring me down?

;)

HA!

Sorry, but you gotta have ankle monitoring bracelets, or you will have not Craiglist street cred. Can't you make some up? Wouldn't a costume store have them?

Deathmetalconga 09-24-2010 07:04 AM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
More made-up and obscure band names from a local Craigslist ad:

"We already have around 7 songs, and just need a drummer. Our influences are pretty much Circle Takes The Square, Bear Vs. Shark, Indian Summer, Deerhoof, Battles, girls in the eighties, Gay For Johnny Depp"

DrumEatDrum 09-24-2010 07:55 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DrumEatDrum (Post 702315)
If there was such thing as truth in craigslist, ads would read something like:

Drummer needed.
Must be creative in coming up with different beats, because all our songs have the same guitar rhythms, and someone needs to make our songs sound different.

Must be willing to rehearse 7 nights a week, because at most we can commit is one or two, but we want to make sure you don't have any conflicts on those few days we can actually get it together.

Must be able to play to a click, because lord knows the bass player can't.

Must be a team player, and by team, we mean you'll do whatever we tell you to do, with no opinions of your own.

Must be a quick learner, because we often forget our own songs, and it would be helpful if you could be there to remind us how they go.

Must be sober and drug free, because we need a designated driver.

Must be financially secure, because we have no money, and when we finally make it big, we're not sharing the publishing with you anyways.

Every time I think about just about any add I've ever responded to at any point in my life, I think of this list.

Fuo 09-24-2010 08:12 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
This thread inspired me to dig out my old Sunny Day Real Estate CD and put it on my iPod. Thanks :)

azrae1l 09-24-2010 09:01 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
i believe you forgot a few criteria.

9. gigs must be booked before a complete band is formed, expect 20 #1 hits to be churned out within a few hours at most.
10. always ask for a rehearsal space and equipment for you to use because your mothers basement just isn't big enough for the colossus that this band will be and your "pro" walmart brand drum kit "now in adult sizes!" if just oozing with too much awesomeness to allow it to be used for actually playing music...
11. must be 420 friendly cuz i'm jones'n, i have no money, and my pot dealer cut me off. oh and by the way bring some beer too.
12. all potential band mates must be the opposite sexxx and hottt cuz the music scene is really a giant dating pool i otherwise should be shunned.

at least these are the normal qualities be searched for on our cl. i'll go look around a bit and i'm sure there will be more to come.....

oh yeah one more..
mUz TyPe LiK dIs AnD sPeLl LiK a 3Rd gRaDeR tO lUk KeWL

Deathmetalconga 09-27-2010 09:26 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
"Flinching Midget Dick" is such a cool name, it makes me wish there really was a band called that. Didn't they open for Descended Testicle?

"we have been trhu atleast 6 drummers in the last year or so and none of them were good enuff. they had a bad attitude. we are all great musicans and are playing the hotest indy rock in town for sure. we have attrackted major industrey labels and will be signed soon. do you have wat it takes? must have blazin double bass skills and chops and be able to top out at 280 bpm for long songs. the harder the better!!!! beat those skinz!!!! influences include molly's wet hatchback. green incisors - fuzzywang - flinching midget dick - gypsy nipples and more. we have profesional gear and attitudes and you should to. and your own transportation. a little 420 is cool to. email zach the dark and put "SEROUS DRUMMER" IN THE subject line or we wont even answer the email."

zambizzi 09-29-2010 09:17 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Deathmetalconga (Post 749064)
"Flinching Midget Dick" is such a cool name, it makes me wish there really was a band called that. Didn't they open for Descended Testicle?

"we have been trhu atleast 6 drummers in the last year or so and none of them were good enuff. they had a bad attitude. we are all great musicans and are playing the hotest indy rock in town for sure. we have attrackted major industrey labels and will be signed soon. do you have wat it takes? must have blazin double bass skills and chops and be able to top out at 280 bpm for long songs. the harder the better!!!! beat those skinz!!!! influences include molly's wet hatchback. green incisors - fuzzywang - flinching midget dick - gypsy nipples and more. we have profesional gear and attitudes and you should to. and your own transportation. a little 420 is cool to. email zach the dark and put "SEROUS DRUMMER" IN THE subject line or we wont even answer the email."

;)

.................................................. ..................................

Pkaneps 09-29-2010 11:58 PM

Re: How to write a music ad
 
Way to bring Sunny Day Real Estate back. Haha.


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 12:32 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Bernhard Castiglioni's DRUMMERWORLD.com