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-   -   Booted out of band, advice needed (http://www.drummerworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=140850)

rmac86 03-08-2018 06:29 PM

Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Hi guys,

Due to the nature of my work I'm being forced to move away from home for work but this has come at the cost of my beloved band. I explained to them that I have the option to work Monday to Thursday only which means I can be home every Friday afternoon and have most every weekend free for rehearsals and gigs etc but it's not enough apparently and the guitarist says we are not a"weekend band". I have been with these guys for over 2 years now and I feel so gutted and don't know where to turn. I've already been told there are no local bands where I'm moving to and almost zero music scene, plus I'm going to be working during the week and home to the other half at weekends so not possible to form a group out there.

Considering just selling off all my gear and knocking the music thing in the head as I can't see any better option.

Any ideas guys?

MasterBlaster 03-08-2018 06:37 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Whatever you do don't sell your gear, at least not yet.

Wait 5 years first.

GruntersDad 03-08-2018 06:41 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Start another band and start the music scene. Sounds like there is a need for both.

alparrott 03-08-2018 07:05 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
I've been right where you are, with the exception that I didn't have the option to come back on Fridays. Best band I'd ever been in, great guys. But I was moving to another state due to work and I simply couldn't stay.

We booked a great going-away gig for me at the same place we played our first gig back in the day, packed the place with fans and friends, and played every song in our set. We then adjourned to a pub across the street and partied until closing time. It was a brilliant conclusion to my tenure with that band.

Fast forward ten years and I'm in three different bands in a new town, very entrenched in the music scene over here. Life goes on. Keep your gear, keep practicing, and keep your options open. There will be some sort of opportunity.

rmac86 03-08-2018 07:07 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MasterBlaster (Post 1550100)
Whatever you do don't sell your gear, at least not yet.

Wait 5 years first.

With the high cost of living where I'm going to I'm kinda forced to sell my gear. I could have kept it if I was gigging every other weekend but now this isn't happening I need to sell it for rent.

rmac86 03-08-2018 07:11 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GruntersDad (Post 1550103)
Start another band and start the music scene. Sounds like there is a need for both.

Good idea but there really isn't much of a music scene here currently, most are just solo acoustic players who only write depressing songs. Either that or kids playing metal and screamo

eclipseownzu 03-08-2018 07:26 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Somewhere expensive with no music scene. I admit I am intrigued.

I faced a similar circumstance a few years ago and I sold my acoustic kit, bought a nice e-kit and some recording gear. I focused on playing the guitar and writing and recording songs. I actually improved quite a bit so when I moved to where I am now I was a better musician and really ready to contribute to the band and local music scene. Music will find a way if you let it, but you regret it if you just quit because circumstances got difficult.

rmac86 03-08-2018 08:02 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by alparrott (Post 1550106)
I've been right where you are, with the exception that I didn't have the option to come back on Fridays. Best band I'd ever been in, great guys. But I was moving to another state due to work and I simply couldn't stay.

We booked a great going-away gig for me at the same place we played our first gig back in the day, packed the place with fans and friends, and played every song in our set. We then adjourned to a pub across the street and partied until closing time. It was a brilliant conclusion to my tenure with that band.

Fast forward ten years and I'm in three different bands in a new town, very entrenched in the music scene over here. Life goes on. Keep your gear, keep practicing, and keep your options open. There will be some sort of opportunity.

Funny enough, after basically telling me I'm useless the guitarist asked me to play their last show at the end of the month and said we are going to have a mad party after but I told him it would be too painful knowing I'm being shown the door straight after. I really musically "gelled" with these guys and that has been the only time in 20 plus years of playing that I can truly say that.

rmac86 03-08-2018 08:07 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by eclipseownzu (Post 1550114)
Somewhere expensive with no music scene. I admit I am intrigued.

I faced a similar circumstance a few years ago and I sold my acoustic kit, bought a nice e-kit and some recording gear. I focused on playing the guitar and writing and recording songs. I actually improved quite a bit so when I moved to where I am now I was a better musician and really ready to contribute to the band and local music scene. Music will find a way if you let it, but you regret it if you just quit because circumstances got difficult.

Wish I had the option to put more effort into writing and recording but finding it very hard as the commentary from the guitarist basically left me feeling completely inadequate and wanting to just give up

Gottliver 03-08-2018 08:23 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rmac86 (Post 1550126)
Wish I had the option to put more effort into writing and recording but finding it very hard as the commentary from the guitarist basically left me feeling completely inadequate and wanting to just give up

Don't let him win. You play music for you, not for him. Nothing he says or does should impact your desire to play. Keep as much as you can, drummers and bass players are hard to find. You'll get a gig soon. Most gigging cover bands rehearse every 2 weeks, you can probably make that work.

rmac86 03-08-2018 09:05 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Gottliver (Post 1550128)
Don't let him win. You play music for you, not for him. Nothing he says or does should impact your desire to play. Keep as much as you can, drummers and bass players are hard to find. You'll get a gig soon. Most gigging cover bands rehearse every 2 weeks, you can probably make that work.

He already has, I looked up to this guy so much musically and have never felt that connection with anyone in over 20 years of professional playing so I don't hold much hope for finding anything soon

AndeeT 03-08-2018 09:23 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
You can be a great musician but still be a knob. He might be the former but if he is making you feel that way because of your job/home-life situation then I think in time, you won’t miss the guy.

We put people on pedastals sometimes, and sometimes we see their true colour and our image of them shatters.

If he was really a great musician AND a great guy, he wouldn’t leave you feeling that way.

As for the future, just gotta give it some time. You will find someone to jam with I am sure. Good luck. But definitely don’t pack it in on his behalf

JustJames 03-08-2018 09:48 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rmac86 (Post 1550108)
With the high cost of living where I'm going to I'm kinda forced to sell my gear. I could have kept it if I was gigging every other weekend but now this isn't happening I need to sell it for rent.

This is going to sound harsh, but if you need to sell your kit for rent, you are in an unworkable situation, and selling your kit is not the solution.

Keep the kit and find another solution to the rent paying predicament.

2bsticks 03-08-2018 09:52 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Well said AndeeT, Do you still enjoy playing drums? You may be surprised when the dust settles. Get yourself some music minus drums tunes and play along with them, work on your drumming. Have fun with it.

PorkPieGuy 03-08-2018 10:57 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
There have been phases in my life where I've had to sell and then re-buy gear. I'm thankful that I (hopefully) don't ever have to do that again. I would to feed my family, but I'm thinking it may not have to happen.

If there is no music scene there, then your options are wide open!

I understand if you are having to sell your drums for a security deposit, that's one thing; however, if you are going to have to sell something every month for rent, well, maybe explore different options.

New Tricks 03-09-2018 01:41 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
The guitar player sounds like a dick. WTF is "not a weekend band" mean. Doesn't he have a job?

Don't sell your gear or quit. I quit in 1981and didn't get back until 2010. I had an all or nothing attitude back then which, in retrospect, was foolish.

Music is a journey. Bandmates will come and go and you will continue to grow. Enjoy all of it.

Quote:

This is going to sound harsh, but if you need to sell your kit for rent, you are in an unworkable situation, and selling your kit is not the solution.
Yup. What about next months rent? If you find yourself selling your stuff to exist, re examine some life choices and/or get a better job or an additional one.

MasterBlaster 03-09-2018 02:02 AM

Quote:

Doesn't he have a job?
I guess on the weekend???

hippy chip 03-09-2018 02:17 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJames (Post 1550145)
This is going to sound harsh, but if you need to sell your kit for rent, you are in an unworkable situation, and selling your kit is not the solution.

Keep the kit and find another solution to the rent paying predicament.

I agree with this---selling gear to pay rent is a temporary solution at best. And don't quit playing music because someone hurt your little feelings---put on your big boy pants, and move on.

MasterBlaster 03-09-2018 02:29 AM

It's never wise to sell things that can make you money.

Chunkaway 03-09-2018 03:47 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJames (Post 1550145)
This is going to sound harsh, but if you need to sell your kit for rent, you are in an unworkable situation, and selling your kit is not the solution.

Keep the kit and find another solution to the rent paying predicament.

Absolutely agree with this comment. When you have to sell gear to simply make ends meet, you need to change your situation.

I'm sorry about this band and what has happened. Is there another band in the town where you currently live that would be okay with your situation? It may not be as great of a band, or you may not gel with them as well, but it may help to open more doors in the future.

mikyok 03-09-2018 12:29 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Not a weekend band - My arsehole alarm would be exploding.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a weekend warrior. It's the only way those of us who do this wacky thing called work can live the dream.

You'll find this guitarist with a messianic complex won't do much with an attitude like this. Don't suffer fools. Was he earning you a living? Nope, you won't remember who they were in a couple of years.

There's a scene everywhere, it's finding it that's the bitch.

Don't sell your stuff!

makinao 03-09-2018 12:37 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Sell your gear for rent? What will you do when that money runs out? Looks like that job isn't paying you enough to live on.

rmac86 03-09-2018 06:40 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Hi guys,

Thanks for the support and suggestions to not sell my kit. Just to be clear though it was never going to be to completely pay the rent, just help out a bit.

The situation has got worse since last post. the group were recording a promotional video of our last concert and have now started posting it on various forums and social media platforms. I consider this to be quite insulting because the exit has now been made very public and I will have to explain the situation to everyone who comes across this. Into the bargain the guitarist has started bad mouthing me around town and considering his opinion is quite highly regarded by other musicians my reputation is now dirt where I live.

eclipseownzu 03-09-2018 06:52 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rmac86 (Post 1550241)
Hi guys,

Into the bargain the guitarist has started bad mouthing me around town and considering his opinion is quite highly regarded by other musicians my reputation is now dirt where I live.

If this is any indication of how he treats people, my guess is his reputation isn't what you think it is. People may smile to his face, but I am sure behind his back there is quite a bit of eye rolling happening.

OldReliable 03-09-2018 08:14 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rmac86 (Post 1550241)
Hi guys,

Thanks for the support and suggestions to not sell my kit. Just to be clear though it was never going to be to completely pay the rent, just help out a bit.

The situation has got worse since last post. the group were recording a promotional video of our last concert and have now started posting it on various forums and social media platforms. I consider this to be quite insulting because the exit has now been made very public and I will have to explain the situation to everyone who comes across this. Into the bargain the guitarist has started bad mouthing me around town and considering his opinion is quite highly regarded by other musicians my reputation is now dirt where I live.

Ok, this guy sounds like a total (insert expletive)! You’re definitely better off without him, people like him think they’re all that and really all it does is make him enemies. Is this guy highly regarded, or does HE think he’s highly regarded? Hope there’s a happy ending to this story!

incrementalg 03-09-2018 09:49 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rmac86 (Post 1550241)
Hi guys,

Thanks for the support and suggestions to not sell my kit. Just to be clear though it was never going to be to completely pay the rent, just help out a bit.

The situation has got worse since last post. the group were recording a promotional video of our last concert and have now started posting it on various forums and social media platforms. I consider this to be quite insulting because the exit has now been made very public and I will have to explain the situation to everyone who comes across this. Into the bargain the guitarist has started bad mouthing me around town and considering his opinion is quite highly regarded by other musicians my reputation is now dirt where I live.

Dude...snap out of it. You're in charge of your reputation. You're in charge of when and where you play again and in charge of whether you're gonna keep playing. Why do you give one guy so much sway over what you do? This might sound harsh, but I say stop moping and get on with what it is that you want to do.

JustJames 03-09-2018 10:03 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
If part of the proceeds of the sale of your kit go towards paying rent this month, and some next month, sooner or later you will have used up all of the money from the sale of the kit. Then what happens?

How will you pay for the unforeseen curveballs that life throws your way?

Lee-Bro 03-09-2018 10:09 PM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rmac86 (Post 1550241)
Hi guys,

Thanks for the support and suggestions to not sell my kit. Just to be clear though it was never going to be to completely pay the rent, just help out a bit.

The situation has got worse since last post. the group were recording a promotional video of our last concert and have now started posting it on various forums and social media platforms. I consider this to be quite insulting because the exit has now been made very public and I will have to explain the situation to everyone who comes across this. Into the bargain the guitarist has started bad mouthing me around town and considering his opinion is quite highly regarded by other musicians my reputation is now dirt where I live.

Unless you've signed a release or given explicit permission to do so, they can't use your likeness. You can force them to take you out of the video and if you have any ownership in the music, you may be able to keep them from using it or at least not use it w/o compensating you.

w3r1_drums 03-10-2018 12:10 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
These dudes sound like they're not worth your time

One vote here for starting the music scene where you're going

Midnite Zephyr 03-10-2018 12:13 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Dude, I went as far as getting rid of my drums, but I've always kept my necessary cymbals and hardware for a set-up. If you're really serious about taking a break from drumming, at least hold on to your hardware and and some cymbals. Are you not a drummer?

I'm not going to judge you, just saying...

KamaK 03-10-2018 12:35 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
I guess I'm fortunate coming from a musical family. When I was out of the country for two years, I simply handed off my gear to my siblings. I can only imagine how my 16yr-old brother felt at the time, touring in a punk band playing my 75 Les Paul Deluxe on a 78' Marshall 2104 combo.

crispycritters 03-10-2018 01:45 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rmac86 (Post 1550241)
Hi guys,

Thanks for the support and suggestions to not sell my kit. Just to be clear though it was never going to be to completely pay the rent, just help out a bit.

The situation has got worse since last post. the group were recording a promotional video of our last concert and have now started posting it on various forums and social media platforms. I consider this to be quite insulting because the exit has now been made very public and I will have to explain the situation to everyone who comes across this. Into the bargain the guitarist has started bad mouthing me around town and considering his opinion is quite highly regarded by other musicians my reputation is now dirt where I live.

I wouldn't stress for a single second about any impact on your reputation. Mr Primo wanted you to leave because your change of work pattern means you can't be available 24/7, that's all it was - his whining and sniping like a little bi*ch now he has no drummer won't impress anyone. Move on, make sure you have all your gear from any rehearsal space etc and just chalk it up to experience. There is always a shortage of drummers - primos are 10 a penny.

DrumEatDrum 03-10-2018 03:15 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
My take it you weren't booted form the band, you made yourself unavailable to the band.

You made the decision to work the job that removes you from the situation, not them.

As for being in any promo videos, well, you were part of the band when they were filmed. You knew what they could be used for when you agreed to be filmed.

Lots of bands loose members, but they don't pull the albums from stores or videos off TV/Internet over it.

Breaking up with a band sucks. I've been through it multiple times. I get that.
But their is nothing insulting about them making it known you are no longer with them, because it's a fact.

calan 03-10-2018 03:27 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Sell the gear and hang it up; you're apparently not cut out for that world.

newoldie 03-10-2018 03:39 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
IMO, the best person that can honestly answer this is yourself, outside opinions excluded...

opentune 03-10-2018 04:05 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rmac86 (Post 1550241)
The situation has got worse since last post. the group were recording a promotional video of our last concert and have now started posting it on various forums and social media platforms. I consider this to be quite insulting because the exit has now been made very public and I will have to explain the situation to everyone who comes across this. Into the bargain the guitarist has started bad mouthing me around town and considering his opinion is quite highly regarded by other musicians my reputation is now dirt where I live.

This is a little melodramatic no? C'mon, dig deep here and don't be a victim. Somebody's words are going to crush your spirit to drum?
Explain what 'situation' to who? You're leaving. People leave jobs every day.
The guitarist? Just another guy, and sounds like an arse at that. Who cares what he says if you're leaving?
Maybe get off social media if this bothers you.

If you have made up your mind to leave just do it and get on with your life's plans. Just don't sell your gear or keep some subset of it.

Pocket-full-of-gold 03-10-2018 05:37 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by calan (Post 1550289)
Sell the gear and hang it up; you're apparently not cut out for that world.

It needed to be said. If for no other reason than to shake the OP's backbone into action.

Quote:

Originally Posted by opentune (Post 1550295)
This is a little melodramatic no?

Marginally. :-)


rmac, you need to thicken your hide mate. Life is gonna chew you up and spit you out if you can't offer up a little more resilience than what's on display here.

ineedaclutch 03-10-2018 07:07 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Hang it up mate. Someone will take your gig. By the sound of it someone will take your job too. Maybe your dog as well. Put your big boy pants on.

rmac86 03-10-2018 07:29 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Thanks for the further advice guys, I have decided not to sell the drums and just be a lot more thick skinned in the future. I guess I was just hurt after playing one of the best shows I've ever done and being told we have no time for you anymore. Then being publicly shamed didn't help either. The group are currently refusing to remove videos from social media but I'm choosing just to ignore this childish behaviour and rise above.

I've already started looking for bands in the local area where I'm going to live and have been in contact with a few so seems every cloud has a silver lining eh?

Pocket-full-of-gold 03-10-2018 07:43 AM

Re: Booted out of band, advice needed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rmac86 (Post 1550314)
I've already started looking for bands in the local area where I'm going to live and have been in contact with a few so seems every cloud has a silver lining eh?

Good man.

Roll with the punches, my friend.


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