Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Joey182

Silver Member
I don't get to play anymore, because my father hates drumming and punk-ish music, and thinks I'm on drugs (I'm not). I get drug tested almost 3 times a month, and I haven't even tried anything yet! He is very overprotective, which is why I'm starting to turn into a kid who goes out late at night to hang out with girls and skateboard because: "Drums are a loud obnoxious instrument no one wants to hear."
I don't want to quit, but whats the point of owning a kit if I can't play it, which I haven't for the past 2 months because of his thinking.
I have literally tried everything to kiss-ass a bit, but whenever he even catches sight of one of my drums not "Stacked" in the corner of my room he freaks out and starts this whole fight with me to where I'm *THIS* close to actually snapping and losing it. It's not just the drums that he freaks over, I initially had EVERYTHING taken away, (Computer, Phone, Money, "Offensive Clothing"[Not offensive by the way what so ever], Television, Skateboard,etc...), I had all this taken away because of my "average grades (B's and C's), but when I get the Report Card I have A's and B's, SO I have no idea why my stuff is still taken away. I asked him, and he said because I haven't turned in all of my Spanish missing assignments.
So I go to school the next day, and get a signed note from all of my teachers stating that I have completed Classwork, Homework, and my attitude in class is good. Still don't get anything back...
SO right now I have no idea what to do.....
 
I just posted this for you on "the never ending thread."

Certainly seems appropriate to re-post it here:

Don't "kiss arse"....just explain. Show him your passion for the instrument. Best way to do this is to practice and improve.....not by blowing a fortune by buying new shit every 15 minutes.

I know he won't let you play at home, and I know that, that is difficult. But so what......there are ways around it. Grab a pad and a pair of sticks. Pay for some lessons and play your teachers kit there. Don't tell me you can't do that? Or find a friend with a basement and slip him some coin to practice there....even once or twice a week.

At the moment, your old man is seeing your approach to drumming much like the forum members here. We don't think you're particularly serious....and we don't even know you. What hope has a man who has known you from birth got? He's seeing a kid who 'says' he's keen, but doesn't really display much by way of showing any real desire to improve. Show him that this actually means something to you, by doing everything you can to improve.....kit or no kit, there's plenty you can work on in the meantime. Who knows.......once he sees that this is something that inspires you, as opposed to this weeks new trend, he may re-evaluate his position and relent.

Change your old man's mindset.....it can be done, but I reckon you'll have to change your own first. :)

As for not being happy with clothes, hairstyles, etc etc.........welcome to life Joey. It's called "the generation gap" and guess what?? You'll do the same thing to your kids too!!
 
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I just posted this for you on "the never ending thread."

Certainly seems appropriate to re-post it here:

Don't "kiss arse"....just explain. Show him your passion for the instrument. Best way to do this is to practice and improve.....not by blowing a fortune by buying new shit every 15 minutes.

I know he won't let you play at home, and I know that, that is difficult. But so what......there are ways around it. Grab a pad and a pair of sticks. Pay for some lessons and play your teachers kit there. Don't tell me you can't do that? Or find a friend with a basement and slip him some coin to practice there....even once or twice a week.

At the moment, your old man is seeing your approach to drumming much like the forum members here. We don't think you're particularly serious....and we don't even know you. What hope has a man who has known you from birth got? He's seeing a kid who 'says' he's keen, but doesn't really display much by way of showing any real desire to improve. Show him that this actually means something to you, by doing everything you can to improve.....kit or no kit, there's plenty you can work on in the meantime. Who knows.......once he sees that this is something that inspires you, as opposed to this weeks new trend, he may re-evaluate his position and relent.

Change your old man's mindset.....it can be done, but I reckon you'll have to change your own first. :)


As for not being happy with clothes, hairstyles, etc etc.........welcome to life Joey. It's called "the generation gap" and guess what?? You'll do the same thing to your kids too!!

Haha I know, The clothing I can understand a bit...
 
Well first off, I'd stop saying "READ!" at the end of all your threads. It makes me not want to read it.

But back on to topic, the way I deal with my parents when we disagree is to not ask for anything or anything to do with the topic that we had a disagreement about for a few weeks. Just try not to make them mad (Like don't even ask if you can play drums) for a couple weeks. After that, he might soften up and let you play.

PFOG's advice is great too.
 
Well first off, I'd stop saying "READ!" at the end of all your threads. It makes me not want to read it.

But back on to topic, the way I deal with my parents when we disagree is to not ask for anything or anything to do with the topic that we had a disagreement about for a few weeks. Just try not to make them mad (Like don't even ask if you can play drums) for a couple weeks. After that, he might soften up and let you play.

PFOG's advice is great too.

1) Can't change it now!
2) I haven't really asked too much I asked about Guitar Center, and one more time if I could get my pad back. He said no and literally FREAKED out.
 
1) Can't change it now!
2) I haven't really asked too much I asked about Guitar Center, and one more time if I could get my pad back. He said no and literally FREAKED out.

Hmm ok. Well I'd definetely follow PFOG's advice about not buying more drum gear, even if it's your money. When I buy some that I don't nesecarily need, my parents aren't happy, even if it's my money.
 
I bought it because my dad took MY pad that I bought with MY money. so I went and bought a new one...

There's your mistake. He took the pad because he didn't want you to have it. The worst thing you could do would be to go and buy another one.
Like I said PFOG pretty much has it covered.

The only other thing I could suggest is to maybe come to a deal? You do extra chores, and then you can play drums. Something like that.
 
1) Can't change it now!
2) I haven't really asked too much I asked about Guitar Center, and one more time if I could get my pad back. He said no and literally FREAKED out.

According to your post, your dad's nuts.

So....either run away from home now or stay home and save up all the money you'd be spending on custom built, acrylic drum kits you wouldn't get to play anyway until you moved out.

On the bright side, having parental problems usually blossoms into some kind of creative streak that can help you out for a good part of your twenties while you cut your teeth in a whatever 'fill in the blank-core' band you wind up in.
 
According to your post, your dad's nuts.

So....either run away from home now or stay home and save up all the money you'd be spending on custom built, acrylic drum kits you wouldn't get to play anyway until you moved out.

On the bright side, having parental problems usually blossoms into some kind of creative streak that can help you out for a good part of your twenties while you cut your teeth in a whatever 'fill in the blank-core' band you wind up in.

He is nuts!
I do think that creativity will blossom, mostly music about growing up and troubles as a teen, but yeah!
 
sorry to hear all this, time flies, you'll be on your own soon, and be able to play all you want, personally, if this was me, I'd dis-own this guy when i turned 18. in the end, blood relation has nothing to do with anything, once you're an adult. some day, he'll be a lonely old man in an old folks home with no one to talk to.
 
sorry to hear all this, time flies, you'll be on your own soon, and be able to play all you want, personally, if this was me, I'd dis-own this guy when i turned 18. in the end, blood relation has nothing to do with anything, once you're an adult. some day, he'll be a lonely old man in an old folks home with no one to talk to.

Well we think alike, I'm doing the same thing...
 
Well ... you're profile say's your 18, and you live in the US. So, the answer is simple ... leave home. You're an adult ... like they say .... when the going gets tough ... the tough get going ...
 
It is my experience parents cannot always be reasoned with. My father beat me and my mother tried to strangle me. So I ran away and got a job. I was 8. You are apparently 18. Leave home, get a job and make your own choices.

Good luck.
 
Golly you have it hard at home.
You are 18, and have the awesome opportunity to move out, support yourself, buy whatever you want, and not have to listen to anyone.

On a side note.......... I have an 18 year old kid living at my house right now. His parents dumped him in a homeless shelter when he was still 17. They got a divorce. Moms doing her "own thing" and the dad....... hes a long haul truck driver. Neither parent has the inclination, nor has made the effort to take care of their kid. So, penniless, dropped in a homeless shelter, and right here, the unemployment is 18%. This is a kid with great attitude, unselfish, great balance. No trouble, no drugs, no simmering angry white boy, hell, he even wears his pants where they belong. And has no business at a homeless shelter surrounded by the lowest dregs of humanity. I wasnt going to leave him in a place like that.

I hope things get better for you.
 
I mis-clicked when I was making this profile. I clicked 18 instead of 15..
Then start saving every dime you can. If your dad won't let you play drums, then you don't need a new (custom) drum kit. If you don't do drugs, then you don't have a drug habit, so your money ain't going there.​
If he won't let you play the kit you have, rent it out to someone who can ... with maybe option that you get to play 'em once in a while. Get creative ... suck it up for 3 years ( I was outta my parents house and into University at 17) ... and then bam ... be gone, hit the road running. Start making plans "now" so you'll be ready and prepared for "then".​
 
My parents used to say "Move out while you still think you know everything!" I moved out and they wondered why I never came by to see them. Point is until you leave their house you are under their rules. Get used to it. There will always be someone telling you what to do. Quit complaining or move out. Sounds pretty simple to me.
 
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