I have to agree completely with this one especially if you want to record or play with others. I use Vic Firth isolation phones (I took out some of the padding over the earpiece as the highs are muted. The bass still isn't great in these. ) with a 16 Chan mixer and a balanced sound card in my laptop - PCMCIA type. I also run a CD player in to my mixer along with my drum mics, harmonica mic and a vocal mic. This set up allows me to do a lot of things - all with my drum sound mixed with other inputs and not too loud. I can do drum play along, solo, jam with others online and record music either with others and/or add loops etc using music creation/recording software (I use Reaper).The only way that I know of with an acoustic kit is to go the expensive route.
Mic the kit through a mixer then through expensive noise reduction headphones. Then mix the song in that you are playing to.
Sorry, I don't know of any cheaper way.
Playing with plastic brushes, i.e., Blastick's will be one way to play an acoustic kit at lower volumes to allow your phones to be lowered.
I suggest you think about where you want to get and what you want to do and build so that you don't do much replacing. I would start with the phones and your PC or laptop and maybe just a cheap PC mic to get the hang of hearing all of this and using online jamming options and music creation/recording software. This will be noisy and not sound great because you are using a single unbalanced mic but you will get a feel for what can be done. Then you upgrade to get things sounding good. (Your PC is your mixer in the Volume Control app)