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Duck Tape

Platinum Member
Over the past week I have dropped out of both of my originals bands. Personal reasons sparked the idea to leave but mostly I didn't feel like the musicianship and dedication were ever there, yes, even when I joined them. I was taking what I could get and doing it for the experience (which I don't regret).

Also, someone put the idea in my head that if I played really great parts for the bands then I could carry them, which I think helps, but if you've got a bad singer or some other fatal flaw it only goes so far.

Anyway I feel kinda crap as I've just left 2 tribes and I don't know if I can find the right people but I've realized it's not worth settling. I got a year out of them before calling it quits and it's probably gonna happen again if I settle. Has anyone been through this? Did you end up missing out on opportunities or did your ideal band come along?
 

B-squared

Silver Member
I've been in similar situations. You don't sound like a prima donna to me. As long as you're humble and honest with others, there is nothing wrong with being true to yourself.
 

New Tricks

Platinum Member
If you don't dig your girlfriend, you bail and find another one who will be more suitable.

There are far more musicians than attractive women so it should be no problem to find what you are looking for.
 

bermuda

Drummerworld Pro Drummer - Administrator
Staff member
As long as your goals and standards are realistic, you should always seek the ideal band situation. As you grow as a player and person, your concept of what's ideal may change, and if the people around you don't also grow, you may find yourself looking again. It's just part of life, whether it's relationships, a job, career goals, or just making music with others.

Managing expectations is important as well, you have to consider the type of music you play and the market for it if you're expecting success. If you expect to make a million dollars playing jazz, you'll be forever frustrated and disappointed.

Also crucial to personal success is knowing what you want. If you don't know what you want, you won't know when you've got it. Your life will be a constant journey, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it will never culminate in anything. You'll never reach your goal if you don't actually have one, and if success falls into your lap, you won't even know it.

But back to the bands... there are lots of musicians out there, and Sydney is a great city for music. Don't settle.

Bermuda
 

Big Foot

Silver Member
Dre25, I just did pretty much the same thing!
Last week I told the guys I've been playing for the last couple of years I'm taking a break from playing. And I had to let this singer (who finally found some guys she likes to play with) that I'm no longer down to start something. The singer, who I've know forever, is sort of off and on so I didn't feel to bad about dropping the bomb. But the regular guys I play with were a bit shocked.

Thing is, I was tired of feeling like the manager, putting out my family, then making a studio, making the calls, buying the beer half the time, waiting, oh man the waiting...shut up and play already etc... I only do this for fun - it's no longer fun. I'm glad I don't make a living at this. Props to those who do!

Sure I was learning from playing with these guys who are really good player, but man, I just felt all the work was to much effort for the little returns.

I don't mean to hijack your thread but, I think usually a break or a change of environment is a good thing. I'm hoping it works out for me...and I hope it works out for you.
 

Angus Macinnes

Senior Member
Things change and when it becomes more work than fun it is time for a change. I left a band once and never expected to be involved in music again but after a long break over the past year I have found myself involved with music again. So as long as you are happy with yourself dont worry too much. If they are true musicians they will move on and grow as well. Best of luck in your endeavors.
 

Anon La Ply

Renegade
I relate, Dre. I expect to be jumping ship this year for the same reasons. Silly to have a 5-piece with full sized keys playing the kind of music small venues hire duos for.
 

Duck Tape

Platinum Member
Thanks for the responses.

The rock band really wants to keep me apparently, and I was considerate enough to hang around to record or wait for them to find a replacement. I am not sure what I'm gonna do but I'm there in the meantime. I ended up telling them they suck and we're going nowhere in the current format. One blew up and acted like a kid, the other took it all as constructive criticism.

We're recording atm. I love the recording process so I'm having fun either way but I dunno how this is gonna end.

A new door has opened with a great guitarist but I have played with him in the past and he wasn't reliable. Fingers crossed that becomes something worthwhile.
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
I don't play in bands I don't like. I can't. No excuses. If I don't LOVE it, I at least have to like it. If there's no like, fuggetaboutit. No excuses. Sometimes losing members is a good swift kick in the pants for the remaining people. Onward, upward.

Anon! Leaving the Blue Mabels? I'm shocked!
 

drummer-russ

Gold Member
I am going through this right now. I like the guys I am playing with and this is my first original project. But getting song structure information from them is like pulling teeth. As long as they communicate the chord changes they all feel that is enough. When I do get a recording from the guitarist and sometimes the guitarist and singer, the meter is woefully eratic. Their song structure is non-standard which is ok, but the songs seem odd to me. So even trying to chart them from their recording is quite a challenge.

Now the latest song lyrics are really mysogenistic. Everyone in the band is over 40 so it seems really wrong. We are not young studs out conquering groupies! So it just seems misplaced.

Since I am getting back to playing after years away I appreciate the opportunity to play with them and develop some drum parts. But as others have said, if you are not enjoying it, no matter the other factors, it is time to move on. That is the nature of bands, they break up.
 

colegill

Junior Member
I am going thru the same thing literally today!

Got the text from the guitar player stating he was dropping out b/c of no time, new job, no inspiration , no direction, and a member who plays in the band at his convenience for fun and expects us to drop everything when he feels like practicing.

This bass player texts us sunday morning at 930 to tells us he's on call for work and doesnt thnk he'll get a call from work so if we wanna get together..that afternoon..to practice at his old man's place. You get the idea. What a hot mess. I always told the guitar player-this band would go nowhere as long as the bassist was in control of when we could practice-since we were practicing at his dads place. So, it wasnt like we could get together on our own if he wasnt available. And believe me-he was rarely available-and expected us to set up all the shows!

if the guitar player didnt quit first, it was gonna be me! I have been fed up with this member and his passive aggressive, lack of interest, lack of dedication, lack of talent, and his desperate claims that he really wants to make the band a priority-but "just for fun".

We started to record a demo and after I finish my drum tracks-which he didnt even bother to show up at the studio to hear me track-I had to remind him to take home the cd that I burned of my tracks with his and the guitar players scratch tracks. There's some dedication! Cant even be bothered to listen to his own bands recording.

Coming from my background, this situation was totally frustrating and unacceptable. Im not interested in doing something halfway. I may not be successful 100% of the time-but at least I know the things I tried got my 100 % effort.

These guys couldnt even be bothered to take 5 minutes to tune up their guitars. Our last gig, we had to be at the venue at 8pm to load in and we werent going on stage until 1230am! They had literally 4 and a half hours to tune up -yet they wait until we're onstage in front of a whole 8 people going on at 1230am to finally decide to tune up their guitars! How professional! And they have the nerve to complain about what time we're going on!

One gig, the guitar player shows up 20 minutes before we go on with the new girlfriend, then spends 10 minutes outside having a smoke and finishing eating then goes inside to set up and discovers he forgot to pack the power cord for his amp! D'oh!!!

So if your not feeling like your band is holding up their end and carrying their weight then dont feel bad for bailing. Go find some people who at least take it seriously and can show up and be prepared and professional. You dont have to have a goal to be the next arena headliner- to still have professional goals, standards and a desire to be as good as you can as a unit and individually. Keep at it and keep an eye and ear out for some like minded people who are fun to play with and fun to be around. No sense playing music with a bunch of jerks!
 

KnuckleBuster

Senior Member
I can so relate. I settled for less than what I desired with the last two bands and I won't do it again. It just sucks the life out of you when you aren't happy with your musical situation. I did it so I could play out locally, but with the last two bands it just wasn't worth it for a variety of reasons. It's taken about a year but I finally have convinced my singer/songwriter friend to get out and play live. Now we have a trio put together and so far it's been very musically satisfying. So hang in there Dre, you will find the right folks.
 

davelan

Member
It's the band that needs the work ethic - not just one or two individuals; nothing grates as much as rehearsing on your own time only to have to teach everyone else their parts once you get together in the room - we're all busy people and band time is better spent getting the whole act together. Other than that, you need to enjoy what you do, you need to like the music you're making, you need to feel that you're making a positive contribution and you need to be able to feel proud of what you're doing as a band.

If you don't have time to waste, you don't have time for timewasters.
 

KnuckleBuster

Senior Member
It's the band that needs the work ethic - not just one or two individuals; nothing grates as much as rehearsing on your own time only to have to teach everyone else their parts once you get together in the room - we're all busy people and band time is better spent getting the whole act together. Other than that, you need to enjoy what you do, you need to like the music you're making, you need to feel that you're making a positive contribution and you need to be able to feel proud of what you're doing as a band.

If you don't have time to waste, you don't have time for timewasters.
So true, I especially like "If you don't have time to waste, you don't have time for timewasters."
 

randrade89

Senior Member
Man, I can totally relate. I'm in the same exact situation. I'm still on the lookout for musicians but it's tough.

Keep looking and don't settle bro
 

groove1

Silver Member
I'm always looking for opportunities to play in "an inspired" situation. Sometimes I just hang
onto what I've got while looking, even when lacking in something so long as I get to improve in the
situation. As I improve I try to find better musicians to work with.
 
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bearblastbeats

Senior Member
I am in the process of starting a new band in a completely different genre of what my last bands were.

So, the guitarist from our last band and I started to play and wrote a fairly decent, talented song that I actually really enjoy playing.

We brought in another guitarist and started to get things in motion, started working on a second song and started to have a writing block.

Well, the new guitarist and I wrote a NEW song, heading towards the direction we all wanted to go to but Guitarist A didn't want to show up for practice last night. He says "I'm not into writing metal anymore and I'm on a completely different stage than you two".

The thing that pissed me off is that 1) the first song we jammed was a song HE wrote... 2) we only have played with th new guy 3-4 times and haven't found our sound yet, we have the idea but we just need to smooth out the kinks.. 3) the new guy and I wrote a brand new song that isn't even close to the genre of metal, I would say its more of an indie dance style pop rock.


Am I right to be a little peeved since Guitarist A wouldn't take the time to listen to the new jam and instead sounded a little pretentious saying "I'm on a different stage".




So after that, we had our other guitar friend show up. I never liked playing with him. I'm not saying hes bad at guitar. He's not as good as the other two but he can play at least. I just don't feel hes up to par with us. And when we are working on a song he just plays over us trying to talk. Am I now being the pretentious one not want to play with this dude?
 

Duck Tape

Platinum Member
It's hard to tell without seeing the situation first hand but it sounds like guitarist A has another reason that he doesn't want to admit. Let him go.
 

sonnygrabber

Senior Member
I just went through a scenario like this with one band I'm in...but it wasn't me, (this time :p) The singer/guitarist and the bass player wanted to go in a heavier direction with song selection and the sax player wanted to go in another. A more sax driven direction believe it or not. Suffice it to say that the sax player has left the band, (he couldn't really sing in key and played his sax non-stop. Great sax player tho).

I feel kinda bad about this as I have only been with these guys since September last year and I know that my playing has influenced these guys to want to go heavier. The sax player had been in the band for 5 years +. I have been told that this had been brewing for years but I can't help but feel somewhat responsible.

But as a trio the pay has gone up!!! Oh yeah, I feel bad though. But we're learning and playing really interesting and exciting new music!!!! Guilt is my new friend.

Such is life.
 

bearblastbeats

Senior Member
It's hard to tell without seeing the situation first hand but it sounds like guitarist A has another reason that he doesn't want to admit. Let him go.
We did, me and the remaining guys decided to just keep it a 3-piece and keep out all the other BS.
 
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