Snappy comebacks and other barbs for drummers


Silver Member
No I haven't. What do you think God will do if I ask?
Check your sense of humor's dipstick to see if it needs a quart :).....

Being a Registered Nurse and a Boy and from NJ has given me a a lot of practice at being the butt of jokes. When I get bored of the jokes, I say things that leave a big whole in the opponents psyche and then stare blankly.

I found invoking God, although blasphemous at time is the MOAB of uncomfortable-ness in others, if you play it right.

The other thing I do is very dead pan say: Wow, I never heard that joke before. As in "What exit?

And of course, the A-Bomb of all: Dude, you have a huge booger in your nose.


"Uncle Larry"
I freely admit that I don't absorb as much crap I did just 2 short years ago, and in my mind...that's a good thing. So as not to compromise my principles, from now on I will strive to keep my sense of humor while I'm not taking crap anymore.


Silver Member
You know, talking to you (Bass Player, Singer, Keyboards, everybody who is not the drummer) is about as much fun as an enema with a porcupine.


Gold Member
Why (inset name) does this mean we're not friends anymore? You know (inset name), if I thought you weren't my friend... I just don't think I could bear it!

and try to look like this while saying it:

that is perfect!!!! That is one of my all time favorite characters.


Silver Member
This may be from the "You had to be there" department. A friend of mine got in an argument with a women in a movie theater, she was obnoxious and noisy, he (my friend) said something to her and she came after him and got loud and obnoxious, she had an audience.

His reply: "You know, with an attitude like, I wouldn't _ _ _ _ you even if you were good looking"

There was universal laughter and the bully girl had it coming.

If it helps, it happened in Philadelphia.


Senior Member
Problem: If we have to prepare our snappy comebacks they aren't exactly snappy, are they?

Good snark comes from within.

It's all about letting your inner asshat out. And if you ain't got it...hey, I definitely don't think that's a bad thing.


"Uncle Larry"
Snap is in the delivery. But I hear what you're saying. On the spot wit is a slam dunk too.

aaajn, that is a classic. I would think that those words would cut right to the heart of a woman. It's almost cruel.
Hi, first post, lots of reading but didn't have anything to contribute. Until now......
The snappy comebacks thread got me thinking....
If a guitarist chooses to use a drummer joke, the drummer could look steadily at the string plucker and say:
"Do you realise that the letters of the instrument you're holding are currently defining you? "
String plucker looks confused.
Drummer says: " Let me spell it out for you..... U R A GIT ! "
Absolute winner, no?!
Too cerebral?
How about......" U R A GIT , 'NOTHER PLUCKER ! "
I rest my case, on his/her pedals.


Platinum Member
...It's all about letting your inner asshat out. And if you ain't got it...hey, I definitely don't think that's a bad thing.
That's my opinion! I've been known to verbally assrape people online and in person and while I have no intentions of keeping that up anymore, I can still whip it out when needed. :)

Lately at work when someone whines (and there's alot of it recently), I immediately say "what are your ideas to fix it?" and I swear that shuts almost EVERYONE up.

Translate this over in the band world and I think if someone gave me hell about my playing, I'd hand them the sticks and ask them to show me. That could be dangerous, though... ha ha


I simply stand up, and hand my drumsticks to the person, and tell them that if they think I'm not doing it right/it's too easy then they should show me how to play it better.

When they think it's an instrument swap (handing me their instrument), I remind them that I haven't told them how to play their instrument, so unlike them, I don't need to prove anything.

Taking the moral high ground puts them in their place. Works every time.