Possesive bandmates

Pollyanna

Platinum Member
// Translation //

The thing is, my wife and I didn't have a prearranged dinner date, which means it's fair game for my mistress and me to get together. It's not like I had to back out of a date, I don't do that.

// End Translation //
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
The thing is, those dates were unbooked by the rock band, which means it's fair game for the blues band. It's not like I had to back out of an already booked gig, I don't do that.
 

Deathmetalconga

Platinum Member
I read the original post over again and noticed the racist comment from the other band member. If someone in a band was talking like that, it would be a serious conflict with my own values and I'd leave the band for that reason alone.
 

inneedofgrace

Platinum Member
Don't get me wrong. I am Mr. Can Do with any band I'm in, and I take my share of the load, doing vocals, talking to the crowd over the mic, (he doesn't even set up a mic) I provide lights, we rehearse in my home studio, (and cleaning up their crap afterwards) including recording and mixing services, (that took me at least 20 hours to mix 4 songs) I video tape and audio tape each gig, make them available on the net for them to listen to, I secured the domain and maintain the band website that I pay for without reinbursement, I drive him around to drop off packages to bars, I am never late for a gig or rehearsal. All this for a whopping $75.00 USD per gig lol. I don't think 6 to 8 days a year is unreasonable to ask
.
Based on what you wrote, how in the world would the guitarist replace you???
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
Matt, your guy is worse than mine lol. A 2 year exclusive contract? Let me guess, no set amount of money mentioned, right? If so then he is delusional. Who signs contracts with bar cover bands? Is this even done? Just curious, is this a guitar player?

This is the first sticking point in this band for me. If he keeps tightening the screws, I will naturally reach a point where it won't be worth it to me. I'm nowhere near that yet. I hope you aren't right about him.

I'll be reporting any further developments as/if they happen. But for now, this issue is resolved, not to his satisfaction though. I "won" lol.

I really should try and have guys that can cover for me, I never had to do this before. I can't think of anyone who could do my gigs to their satisfaction without rehearsals. It would be a lot to ask of them to get together in order to get a sub drummer up to speed. I guess it's up to me to get a good drummer, and give him gig recordings, so he could go in cold.
Actually I'd prefer it if he would just book around my 6 to 8 dates a year, and not get a sub.
But having a great sub...that's something I need to work on.
 

mattsmith

Platinum Member
Yeah, the capable, readily available sub (at least 2 subs actually) is essential towards maintaining professionalism while curbing egos and attitudes. I think in your first instance, mentioning the long booked blues gig alongside saying something like...But I will call my really good guy and work something out for you with some well placed I really appreciate this guys would have been entirely OK. But Larry, it's apparent there's a deeper seeded issue with your guy and it's not good. He's a possessive one to be sure, and even worse, don't think for a minute that the personality that makes those hateful racist comments doesn't also eventually become the same guy who gets into your money. Trust me, he's going to screw you any way very soon. The smoke's out of the bottle now and true faces are being revealed. Stick a fork in this gig man and start looking around. You're done with this one.

I've got a similar possessive with my Hard Rock gig. But he's not hateful...just delusional. Sunday he announced that to keep our gig we had to sign 2 year exclusives, that included his telling us the monster plans he had that included big time this, major that etc..But he would not tell us any specifics until we signed. Well, obviously I wasn't signing any crazy exclusive for a club cover band, but asked why we would have to sign first if everything he was going to tell us was going to be so great? His only answer was that he would replace me soon if I didn't sign. Then I asked how you get replaced soon seeing as how the Hard Rock gig is actually just a long string of one nighters with no contract? How about if I quit accepting one nighters from you right now? I asked. That only confused him more. Now he says he wants to fire me in a month. But after this silliness and no contract besides the world is whatever you want it to be.

It often amazes me how convuluted the logic can become when discussing music business. It's as if it is a logic in of itself.
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
Yea there's just some things that you just can't have complete control over.
Since the blues band will likely never have a Friday and Saturday back to back, that leaves 3 whole weekends plus a day to choose from to book on that particular month. That's as close to 100% availability that I can deliver.

I would never have the gall to make another person feel like they are hog tied to any musical project, unless there was serious money involved. It's almost laughable that the conversation took place at all. If I didn't enjoy playing with him, I wouldn't be so tolerant. So now I know his true colors and will expect this with every date that the blues band needs me.

Now if the rock band is booked on a certain date, and the blues band needs me on the same night, then I have to turn the blues band down because that date is taken. First come first serve.
This actually encourages the rock band to grab as many future dates as possible, so he can book with relative ease. As of now I told them April 1 and May 21 I am unavailable. That leaves a ton of dates I am available.
But I'm not upset over anything. It's actually a compliment in a way. Now I know how this certain person behaves, and now I know what to expect, no problem. Sometimes, you just have to let people kick and scream, like children, and not escalate things.
 

Neil

Senior Member
Interesting problem Larry, as you've merely informed them that on X/Y dates you're unavailable then there should be no problem. Infact that was pretty courteous, some people may leave it to the last minute and come up with BS excuse, leaving the band in the lurch. In short, don't worry about it, let him throw his toys out of the pram and you just get on with what you're doing and it sounds like you're doing it well.

The racial slur though, even if it were 'to push your buttons' is too much, I would've knocked him down a peg or two just for that.

Off topic slightly..I'm interested to see how this one plays out. I possibly might be in the same situation very soon.

There are men, then, there are women and then, there are...guitarists.
 

Pocket-full-of-gold

Platinum Member
I think if shows aren't booked for a particular night, then you should be able to fill that time however you see fit.
On fire Mike....second time I've quoted you today!!!

Yep, indeedy.

My main band (which was always the one who worked the most) has always been my priority, they got my undivided attention and if they called, I'd come running.....however, If I'm not required there, then I'll do as I please.....and play with whoever I want. Sometimes I told them I was working on the side, sometimes I didn't.

As for the "conflict" issue.......that's another matter. It's not always easy to serve two (or more) masters mate........how's your juggling skills? :)
 

Ekim

Silver Member
My very limited experience and stories about bands makes me really glad I don't have these issues to deal with anymore.

Some people are just jerks and a waste of oxygen.
 

MikeM

Platinum Member
l'm with you on this one, Larry. I think if shows aren't booked for a particular night, then you should be able to fill that time however you see fit. I also agree that it keeps you well-rounded and fulfilled and that your blues experience pays dividends to the rock band in the form of a smoother, more badass drummer.

I suppose it gets dicey when you book a blues gig first then a good rock gig comes up that conflicts, but isn't that what the sub thing is all about? And how often do you expect that to actually happen anyway given the amount of gigs the blues band takes?

I've known a lot of musicians that think that it isn't okay to take on projects outside of their band, but fortunately I've managed to avoid those types.
 

larryace

"Uncle Larry"
I dropped out of no gigs, I simply reserved a future date that the rock band had not booked and said I can't play on that night. (so don't book that particular night)
The 3 weekends a month are dynamic, could be any 3, so we make it up as we go along. We book far out enough to make this work.
 

DrumEatDrum

Platinum Member
Well, the band was planning to book that weekend, but Larry's conflict negated the option. .
I guess we need clarification on this point, because that's not what I'm getting out of the OP at all. Could be my error, of course.
I'm with 8mile. It needs clarification.

I didn't take it as the band wanted to book that date. Nor does Larry specify what day exactly is in question. Weekends do have more than one night.

I took at as they were angry the potential to book was taken away, not an actual date.

Now, if Band#1 always had a gig on the 1st Saturday of every month, or whatever, and Larry told the blues band he could so the 1st Saturday, yeah, that does reflect badly, and the band has a right to be angry.

But if Larry is only committed to 3 weekends a month, it seems logical the 4th weekend is free to take any other gig. And I took it that it was this 4th weekend Larry was planning around. But I guess that is not clear.

Yo, Larry, we need some clarification!
 

8Mile

Platinum Member
Well, the band was planning to book that weekend, but Larry's conflict negated the option.
I guess we need clarification on this point, because that's not what I'm getting out of the OP at all. Could be my error, of course.
 

brentcn

Platinum Member
But if you read Larry's 1st post, the was no gig to drop put of.

He simply informed band #1 that he was busy on x-day with band #2, and they got mad.

No where did he say band #1 had already booked a gig on the day he said he would play with band #2

If it was the case the band was indeed booked, and he pulled out of band #1 to play with band #2, you would be correct. But that is not what was said in the 1st post.
Well, the band was planning to book that weekend, but Larry's conflict negated the option. The bandleader sounds like the worst kind of human being, but 3 weekends a month is a pretty serious booking effort, made difficult by Larry's absence, for which there was no contingency plan in place. When you're a new band on the phone with club managers, you can't be too picky about your dates if you want to work.

In 5 years I have always found a replacement for gigs I miss, no matter what the reason, but I am fortunate to know 5 or 6 drummers that can handle a performance with little or no rehearsal, which is not easy. These are usually the drummers that can read a chart, btw! I scan the charts and email them, so a drummer can read from a laptop on the gig if they want. I also do my fair share of subbing in other bands, which is seldom worth the money the first time, since you're learning lots of new material, but definitely worth it from that point forward. More importantly, it earns me the good graces of the drummers that take my gigs when I'm busy having a life.

I guess it comes to how organized the bands are. If your band charts out the material, and you can give the charts to a sub, then everyone will know what is expected of them musically, and the gig will go smoothly. If recordings exist, all the better. When there is inadequate organization and preparation, then tension rises as mistakes are made on stage, right when you'd rather be relaxed and having fun.

Larry, I understand your artistic inclinations as much as anyone can, but you did bite the hand that promised to feed you 3 weekends a month. If you had a sub in mind, and he had access to your charts and to studio recordings of the band playing the material, perhaps your band leader might not have reacted as he did (but maybe he would, he said some awful things!). Anyway, I hope your band can get it together and work out sub arrangements for the future. Any band gigging that much will have to.
 

8Mile

Platinum Member
But if you read Larry's 1st post, the was no gig to drop put of.

He simply informed band #1 that he was busy on x-day with band #2, and they got mad.

No where did he say band #1 had already booked a gig on the day he said he would play with band #2

If it was the case the band was indeed booked, and he pulled out of band #1 to play with band #2, you would be correct. But that is not what was said in the 1st post.
Yeah, I think there was a misunderstanding involved there.

If the commitment was to play 3 weekend gigs per month and he's honoring that, then there should be no issue. He can't be expected to keep his calendar clear for the entire year just in case the rock band decides they want to book a gig. If they're so concerned with his availability, maybe they should start returning the courtesy he's showing them by booking some of their own gigs and letting him know what dates they need him in advance. That way, he can work around their schedule. Either that or admit that what they really expect of him is to be available 4 weekends per month.
 

psylocke24

Junior Member
In a band the members should respect each others opinions and suggestions. If you want you can always find new band with this characteristics and you can still play with them since you are not in a recording company.
 

DrumEatDrum

Platinum Member
Finding a replacement is essential in the musical circles I am in. Maybe we're uptight or something but it's a form of consideration. It sounds like you do a lot for this band and get little in return so you may feel entitled to drop out of a gig without getting a replacement. Maybe the local culture you're in is OK with that, though.
But if you read Larry's 1st post, the was no gig to drop put of.

He simply informed band #1 that he was busy on x-day with band #2, and they got mad.

No where did he say band #1 had already booked a gig on the day he said he would play with band #2

If it was the case the band was indeed booked, and he pulled out of band #1 to play with band #2, you would be correct. But that is not what was said in the 1st post.
 
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