I'm in a Band - And I Have a Problem

Road Bull

Silver Member
Quit both bands and tell them you can't handle the pressure.

The girlfriend analogy is pretty close sometimes. Except with a band, it's like being in a relationship with three or four people at the same time on several different levels. Some things can be great and others make you want to focus on the great things. There are an infinite number of possibilities. Great musician/bad personality, Great personality/bad musician, Great musician and personality/crap schedule. And so on, and so on.

I say when you find good people, and you enjoy playing with them, go with that all the time. If I said that I would do a practice, I would do the practice for sure. I would keep an open mind, but I would be polite and honest with them about my situation. You may not have the time or desire to play in their band today, but somewhere down the road who knows. It is great to have good connections.

A little over a year ago I was in a similar boat. I had a couple of false starts with musicians that I didn't click with. But when I found the guys I play with now, I knew that it was what I was looking for. And now, with all the networking that musicians do between bands, it would be much easier to find people to play with if my band decided to hang it up. At least I wouldn't have to spin the roulette wheel that is Craig's List. lol.


Silver Member
I'm willing to commit myself to Band #2 because of the experience I had with the other members.

Since I have decided that Band #1 is not for me, I need to cancel the audition for next week.

Any other words of wisdom?
Well, this is great! And a nice problem to have. All I would say is, try to leave it on amicable terms (if possible) with the band you're dropping out of, just in case it doesn't work out with the other guys.
Good luck! Enjoy the new band!


Junior Member
If you've got the time to devote, run with both bands!!! It's what I'd do, but I'm a total music slut! I'm currently drumming in one band, lead vocals in another and considering an invitation to play guitar in a third! I'm 35, work full-time, have 2 kids, but I always find/make time for making music, that's just how addicted to this shit that I am!!!

For some constructive help, maybe consider which band has the style you like to play. Whichever band you have the most fun playing with is the band to roll with. If there's hard feelings from the other band, don't stress on that. Possibly, figure out which band has the best grounding and best future!


Platinum Member
Yes, I'm in the one I want the most. We're working on song/set lists and setting up calendar events (all practice) at the current time. The Bass player and I are looking for times to get together and work exclusively on the rhythm parts so the two of us are tight. The other two members and I are very motivated - it's the type of situation I was looking for.

Regardless of this (good point, by the way), I simply do not have the time for more than one band. So, I'll have to take a leap of faith and hope the one I'm in lasts. And if it falls apart, I'll regroup at that point.
That cleared up, yup, that's the way to go. Sounds like you have a good match. Cancel the audition with the second band as gracefully as you can. And good luck.​


Silver Member
I would play the audition, just to be sure, and if the other band still feels like the better fit, just tell them exactly that. "Hey guys, I actually auditioned for one other band as well here, and I just have to say that the other band is a better fit for me. Hope you guys find a drummer that works well with you"


Platinum Member
Here's my correspondence with Band #1:


For the last several months I have been actively looking for a band to join and I have had the opportunity to meet and play with a wide variety of talented musicians. Now suddenly, two bands come along at the same time with great people and great players.

Unfortunately, I need to inform you that I have decided to join another band. Music-wise, it's a better fit for me at the current time.

I also wanted to say thank you for taking an interest in me and allowing me the opportunity to audition for you.

Thank you,

Mitch Mulcahy

And here's the response:

OK Mitch, best of luck to you and your new band mates. Keep in touch and let me know when your first show is.

Take Care,

Problem solved!


"Uncle Larry"
New Tricks, stop! Too funny!

To avoid this in the future, you could have showed up s-faced drunk on alcohol, with needles sticking out of your arms and smelling like reefer, and then played wildly inappropriately, cursing their playing the whole time.

Let them be the bad guy.