Having trouble asking a girl out in college

eddiehimself

Platinum Member
Well you won't meet Miss perfect, but you might meet someone that is just right for you. I did. :)
Lucky you. Seriously though, I know exactly how the OP feels having been in that exact same position myself this time last year. It was my first few weeks at university, I was on my own and felt really isolated. I thought that I just HAD to find someone to make those weeks on my own more bearable. So there was someone in my course who just happened to play the guitar. After weeks of agonising over how I was going to woo her (I even thought of playing a song on the piano in one of the tutorial rooms lol) it eventually hit me; I didn't actually really like this girl at all. I only fancied her because I felt lonely and she just happened to be the most appealing girl in the class (out of about 5 or 6). I'm so glad I didn't go for it because I know I would have regretted it straight away. So make sure you've asked yourself if you really like this girl or it's just first weeks of college syndrome.
 

Thaard

Platinum Member
Maybe give her a guitar-pick with "Want to go out sometime?" written on it? Maybe some sheet-notes? Be creative!
I'm far too cynical and distrusting after some bad relationships, but being yourself, relaxing and having confidence will get you far. Even if you look like something a cat chewed on!
 

drummindan8484

Senior Member
Lucky you. Seriously though, I know exactly how the OP feels having been in that exact same position myself this time last year. It was my first few weeks at university, I was on my own and felt really isolated. I thought that I just HAD to find someone to make those weeks on my own more bearable. So there was someone in my course who just happened to play the guitar. After weeks of agonising over how I was going to woo her (I even thought of playing a song on the piano in one of the tutorial rooms lol) it eventually hit me; I didn't actually really like this girl at all. I only fancied her because I felt lonely and she just happened to be the most appealing girl in the class (out of about 5 or 6). I'm so glad I didn't go for it because I know I would have regretted it straight away. So make sure you've asked yourself if you really like this girl or it's just first weeks of college syndrome.
Semester's almost over, but that's definitely not the case here. If I actually can ask her, I kinda see this as a win on all possible levels.

1. Possible girlfriend
2. Possible friend (this one's kinda already started)
3. In the course of 2 years, I went from barely having talked to girls to asking one out. I call that progress
4. If she says no, than I know what I did wrong and will know what to do differently next time.
5. If she says no and comes back next semester (a lot of people do), than I can always try again if she's not taken.

Thing is though, I never thought about trying to come up with some big plan to woo her. Just thought I'd do it the easy way, just start talking, strike up a friendship, go out somewhere casual and see where it goes from there. So far it seems to be working out, just gotta do step 3!
 

DrumEatDrum

Platinum Member
Just do it.

Women like a man with confidence. The longer you hem and haw, the less of a chance of her saying yes.

Worse thing? She says no.

And if she does say no? Big deal, there are always more fish in the sea.

It only took me 28 years to realize this, but there is always another woman out there. Of course, as soon as I realized this, I met my wife, and I didn't this realization anymore LOL.
 

Bo Eder

Platinum Member
Lots of good advice already. Nothing I can add to that. Well, I could ask why this is such a big deal. You already know there will be this awkward silent moment, and you've been told she could say no. All you have to do now is go through the program and see what happens. What are you still doing here?
 

Pollyanna

Platinum Member
What's the difference between chatting with a male or female musician anyway? Gonads and hormones. Are you comfortable with the friends she's hanging out with? Who knows? You may find that some of her friends have friend potential for you too.

That way, you can hang with her circle. That will not only make it easier to have etet a tete chats (which is what the lunch is about) with the added bonus of seeing how she interacts with the others. It can't hurt knowing more about what you're getting yourself in for. Worst case scenario: you dodge a bullet.
 

eddiehimself

Platinum Member
Semester's almost over, but that's definitely not the case here. If I actually can ask her, I kinda see this as a win on all possible levels.

1. Possible girlfriend
2. Possible friend (this one's kinda already started)
3. In the course of 2 years, I went from barely having talked to girls to asking one out. I call that progress
4. If she says no, than I know what I did wrong and will know what to do differently next time.
5. If she says no and comes back next semester (a lot of people do), than I can always try again if she's not taken.

Thing is though, I never thought about trying to come up with some big plan to woo her. Just thought I'd do it the easy way, just start talking, strike up a friendship, go out somewhere casual and see where it goes from there. So far it seems to be working out, just gotta do step 3!
I can assure you that if you ask her out and she says no then you will never be able to be just friends. There is just always going to be that sticking point of the fact that she didn't want you that will drive a wedge between you. You can't just ask someone out just so that you can say you did. It shouldn't be about that. Also if she says no then it's just pointless trying to come back to it because she's not going to change her mind and you're just going to end up torturing yourself. Besides, my guess is that by next year you'll have probably moved on. Of course it's quite difficult to see that right now because you've got yourself in this state about this one girl.
 

drummindan8484

Senior Member
You may be right Eddie, I'm just trying to look at the situation in the most positive way possible because that's just what I always try to do. I'm not saying I'm going to ask her to say I did, I'm saying that if she says no, than I should at least be proud of myself for asking because of what I said in #3. As far as being just friends goes, I think what I meant basically was not necessarily about rejection, but more if she says yes and we go out and it doesn't go beyond the friendship level. Part of the reason I thought about that being my personality type (let's just say I'm not much of a flirt or anything). Anyway, where we are in a year is not my concern right now, just trying to take this one step at a time.
 

Mad About Drums

Pollyanna's Agent
What's the difference between chatting with a male or female musician anyway? Gonads and hormones. Are you comfortable with the friends she's hanging out with? Who knows? You may find that some of her friends have friend potential for you too.

That way, you can hang with her circle. That will not only make it easier to have etet a tete chats (which is what the lunch is about) with the added bonus of seeing how she interacts with the others. It can't hurt knowing more about what you're getting yourself in for. Worst case scenario: you dodge a bullet.
Best reply for me so far, it makes so much sense...

Thing is though, I never thought about trying to come up with some big plan to woo her. Just thought I'd do it the easy way, just start talking, strike up a friendship, go out somewhere casual and see where it goes from there. So far it seems to be working out...
Keep the friendship carrying on, so you'll know each other better, you'll find the right time to ask her out when the times come up... It will come naturally.
 

GruntersDad

Administrator - Mayor
Staff member
Song title from the early sixties. "Got along without you before I met you, gonna get along without you now." A bit cynical but she is only one girl in a world full.
 

The Scorpio

Senior Member
Have you tried clubbing her in the head and then dragging her back to your cave? It always seems to work well for me...til the cops show up.

-Kyle
 

Pocket-full-of-gold

Platinum Member
Anyway, where we are in a year is not my concern right now, just trying to take this one step at a time.
Correct. But first you've actually gotta take that first step.

How about.......hey, can I buy you a coffee? Simple. Non-threatening. And gives you time to be alone to talk. If it's a good vibe you hit her up for drinks or dinner.

And fwiw, girls at 18 to 20 years of age certainly "date and see where it goes" In 60 years the world's population has grown from 2.5 billion people to almost 7 billion!! Birds all around the world are dating mate.....the proof is in the numbers

Trust me on this one, you're better off leaving thoughts like that in your head. Let her go and ruin someone else's life. Sucks for a few years, oh yeah, but you get used to it and at least you'll still have your own house when you're 50 :)
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” ~ Rod Stewart


I can assure you that if you ask her out and she says no then you will never be able to be just friends.
Sure you can. I'm still friends with girls to this day who have knocked me back in the past.
 
D

Doctor Dirt

Guest
Soooooooooo hows life, are the kids ok? The wife good, remember when you posted how nerves you were to ask her out????? hahahaha WOW it seems like yesterday!! Doc
 
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