Having trouble asking a girl out in college

drummindan8484

Senior Member
OK first off understand that I'm a bit on the shy side so that's what's making this situation worse. Now here's the problem.

There's this girl who plays guitar in the community college jazz band with me. We talk a decent bit and she seems to like me at least as a friend, so I figured I'd ask her out for lunch sometime before class. The only problem has been finding a way to get her alone. Last week (it's a once a week class) I tried to do so before class only for the timing to not be so great, and she seems to always end up leaving class before I do. We do get a break in the middle for about 15 minutes, but there's usually too many people around to do so.

So my question is, is there any possible way to ask her out even if there's people around in a somewhat discrete manner? Pulling her aside perhaps, asking her to wait for me after class, anything? I already know how to ask and everything, I just can't find the right time to and it's really frustrating me.
 
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bobdadruma

Platinum Member
This is a common problem. Something or someone always seems to get in the way so there is no proper private moment between both of you.
You have to create the moment. You have to pull her aside and say what needs to be said.
It isn't easy. We all experience this.
You just have to walk up to her and look her in the eye and say something like "Do you have a moment" or "Can I speak with you for a minute"
Don't forget, She will feel just as you do. You will take her by surprise. You will both have an awkward moment. That is the common ground. If she is interested she will talk to you.
 

harryconway

Platinum Member
It's always up to us "Rock" dudes to learn you "Jazz" cats how to score chicks, isn't it?​
Kidding!!!​
O.K...... no matter how many people are around her .... you walk up to her .... and be polite .... say "excuse me" if she's actively engaged in any type of conversation .... (that usually will give you the floor, if only because so few people these days are polite) ..... "excuse me, but I'm working on a song idea ... and I was wondering if you and your guitar could maybe help me out .... you know ... with some ... like ... chord changes .... and progressions .... like .... I have some ideas .... but I'm not a guitarist ... and I like your playing ... "​
Now, saying that, in your own words, is gonna probably take less than a minute. Here's where you prove that you're not some I'll prepared slacker. You hand her your "business card" .... or at least a piece of paper with your name and phone # on it already. Don't ask her if she has a pen, paper, etc. ....looking thru your backpack .... that's lame. Be prepared! Boy Scout Motto!​
So, you said your deal .... you handed her all the "pertinent" information ....​
Politely leave, saying something like "I don't wanna hold you up ... give me a call .... and we'll set up a date.​
Now, look for her reaction ... if she wants to continue conversation with you .... by all means, stick around. Situational awareness. If she's still "busy" with other people ... then you leave. Maybe as you walk away, turn back to her, and if you have eye contact ... flash her the universal sign language "call me" ..... and be off.​
After that, you're on your own. Good luck.​
 

Pollyanna

Platinum Member
say "excuse me" if she's actively engaged in any type of conversation .... (that usually will give you the floor, if only because so few people these days are polite) ..... "excuse me, but I'm working on a song idea ... and I was wondering if you and your guitar could maybe help me out .... you know ... with some ... like ... chord changes .... and progressions .... like .... I have some ideas .... but I'm not a guitarist ... and I like your playing ... "
And the minute he walks away all the girls friends will be grinning :)

Totally transparent - like inviting someone up for coffee at the end of the night or popping over to her place because you "happened to forget" something ... but nicely played ...
 

The Scorpio

Senior Member
You are in a perfect position to talk to this woman. So I'll be an "online wingman" here and give you the ultimate wingman advice.

Just go talk to her bro.

Shyness be damned. You are a drummer, and drummers rock. Period. So there's no reason to be shy =)

Good luck dude!

-Kyle
 

drummindan8484

Senior Member
You are in a perfect position to talk to this woman. So I'll be an "online wingman" here and give you the ultimate wingman advice.

Just go talk to her bro.

Shyness be damned. You are a drummer, and drummers rock. Period. So there's no reason to be shy =)

Good luck dude!

-Kyle
Well to be fair I think she may be a little bit shy compared to some girls as well. Talking to her doesn't make me nervous, it's just popping the question that will. Thanks for the encouragement Kyle!
 

drummindan8484

Senior Member
This is a common problem. Something or someone always seems to get in the way so there is no proper private moment between both of you.
You have to create the moment. You have to pull her aside and say what needs to be said.
It isn't easy. We all experience this.
You just have to walk up to her and look her in the eye and say something like "Do you have a moment" or "Can I speak with you for a minute"
Don't forget, She will feel just as you do. You will take her by surprise. You will both have an awkward moment. That is the common ground. If she is interested she will talk to you.
This may work. Or who knows, maybe there will be some way that we'll be alone sometime in the next few weeks. Every week is different, one of the first times I talked to her alone was because there was a massive traffic accident on the highway that everyone got stuck in and we were the 1st 2 there, so who knows what next week will bring. Thanks for the help though!
 

groove1

Silver Member
You've gotten very good advice here. Be yourself and say what's on you mind. If you don't,
she will never know. I'm in my mid sixties and can tell you that at my age all guys admit
they had awkwardness in meeting the ladies when they were younger....even if they didn't
admit it when they were young. Find something you'd both enjoy doing anyway and invite
her to that. Have fun!
 

Thud

Senior Member
I'd like to add my bit too...
Most women won't go out with men they do not know but of course there are exceptions. Young men spot a woman they like the look of and immediately go steaming in like a cruise missile. Unfortunately this often has the effect of scaring the girl (Who is this guy? Why is he hitting on me?) and that's a bad start.

So my bit of advice is... women mostly like to go out with men they already know. If you come over as a fun, exciting kind of person that she already knows then you are home and dry for certain. Hang out with her set and let her get to know you.

She may still say no if she doesn't fancy you but at least she has had a chance to see what she is getting. You have to be prepared to accept a no, but you've made a friend, haven't you?
 

aydee

Platinum Member
Interesting reading the "expert" opinion on what might or not work with women :)
Happy for the OPs sake that Ms Pol showed up. Would like to hear the lady's point of view here. If you were her what would you like our shy drummer boy to do? What might work?

...
 

Pollyanna

Platinum Member
Happy for the OPs sake that Ms Pol showed up. Would like to hear the lady's point of view here. If you were her what would you like our shy drummer boy to do? What might work?

...
If I was me, Harry's suggestion would be pretty good. Fact is, you have a common interest ... a great way to start.

Unlike Gerri, forearms are less of a lure for me than pecs and biceps. Having said that - someone sane, with a few operating brain cells and who treats me like a human being is making a good start. Someone with common interests has the inside running.

Dan, one week isn't a long time ... maybe next week?
 

diegobxr

Silver Member
Hey man,

First of all, I must say it takes a lot of balls to enter a place like this and ask such a intimate and vulnerable question with such humility. It leaves a good impression of you, at least for me. ;)

Having said that, I'd like to ask:
1) What age are you? Teens? Twenties? (I think it's not the same how you approach a 15 year old girl than a 26).

2) Do you have any other social interactions with her? Like friends in common, birthday parties, go to the same clubs, concerts or places?

3) Are you a friend to some of her friends/girlfriends?

Overall I think Larry's advice is cool. But if you're having a hard time, I'd also try to "maximise exposure" in non-school activities. That will give her more time to get to know you in a more relaxed environment. After all, that's what you want by asking her out. Everytime I met a girl I was interested into I did that, found out who her friends were, what things she liked and found my way to be around them before making the move.

Also, it's easier if her friends like you!

Anyway, I'm no casanova but that's my humble advice. And hey, above all things: don't panic, don't desperate, keep your cool and be confident. ;)

Cheers!
 
Want to tell Miles Davis that, Harry ?


...
I think the jazz cats do better than the rock blokes.

Lol I didn't kiss a girl till age 22.

Thank god for that cover band or I would've lost it I reckon.

The girls used to slip over themselves running up to the guitarists or singer.

But girls who go to cover gigs are a bit strange lol.

Like girls who get giddy over footballers.
 

Anto

Junior Member
1) Be good friends with her, make little jokes to loosen up your relationship etc..
2) Try hang out with her after school times, then walk her home or to her bus stop
3) Before she leaves, ask her the question or try to make a move, this will make things a lot less awkward afterwards, if she says yes, you will have time to think about how you should talk to her tomorrow, avoiding the awkward "er....what do we do now..?" and if she says no, she leaves anyway!

PS: Try do that when it's dark, 10x more romantic and people seem more open during that time. As a bonus, people wont be able to see you as well :)

Thats if you're a kinda jazzy man, If you're a rocker dude just jump straight in ;)
 
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