It is great to read all of your stories!
I used to have incredibly bad social anxiety and IBS (they went hand-in-hand). But drumming (and video games lol) always helped me deal with those issues so much by helping me relax and express myself and focus completely on my primal creativity. I am MUCH better now, but I still begin to feel more anxious and generally unsettled if I haven't played drums (even just on the pad) for awhile. A long time ago, after I had been drumming for a few years, I realized that I wasn't terribly interested in playing gigs and joining bands; rather, what I got out of drumming was its therapeutic benefits. I was drumming for myself--for my own joy and mental well-being. Even to this day, after drumming for 13+ years, I still see drumming this way. I like playing in bands and doing gigs more now, but at the end of the day, I do it for myself.